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Writing Samples
Band 5

Today many people put their personal and private information online (address phone number and credit card number) to facilitate everyday activities such as banking shopping and socializing. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Nowadays, an increasing number of individuals share private information online to streamline daily activities like banking and shopping.
Although
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this
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 trend raises privacy concerns, I believe it is ultimately a positive development
due to
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 the unmatched convenience it offers.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, sharing personal data online carries significant security risks. Cybercriminals can breach databases to steal sensitive details like credit card numbers, leading to financial loss or identity theft.
Furthermore
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, companies often track user
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 to push targeted advertisements, which many consider an invasion of personal privacy.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the benefits of
this
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 digital convenience far outweigh the risks. Online transactions eliminate the need to visit physical banks or stores, saving people considerable time and effort.
Moreover
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, social media platforms allow instant connection with friends and family worldwide. With the continuous enhancement of cybersecurity measures and strict data protection laws, these online activities are becoming increasingly secure.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 sharing private information online poses privacy risks, the efficiency and convenience it brings to modern life make it a net positive development.

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Task response
You answer the question clearly and give a clear view: this is mostly a good change. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why the good points are greater than the risks. For example, say how safe online systems can help people use banks and shops with less fear.
Task response
Your ideas are clear, but the support could be more exact. Add one short real-life example, such as a person paying a bill from home or a family member speaking to a friend in another country. This would make your points feel more real.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, risks, good points, and ending. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
The link words are used well, but you can make the move between ideas smoother. For example, after the risks, say that these risks can be reduced when people use strong passwords and safe sites. This links the two sides more closely.
Coherence and cohesion
Check small spacing errors, such as the extra space in “many consider”. Also, use a few different simple link words, such as “also”, “as a result”, and “for this reason”, so the flow does not feel too fixed.
Task response
You deal with both the bad and good sides, and your own view stays clear from the start to the end.
Task response
The points about theft, time saved, and contact with friends and family are closely related to the question.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well, and the ending clearly repeats your main view.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “Moreover” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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