IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays people make new friends through social media and internet chat groups. Some people think it is a good idea. Other think that face to face interaction is essential. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
IN RECENT TIMES, THE TOPIC OF A LOT OF
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 USED ONLINE PLATFORMS FOR FRIENDSHIP, BUT
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS ABOUT IT, AND GATHERED SIGNIFICANT ATTENTION AND SPARKED WIDESPREAD DISCUSSIONS.
THEREFORE
Linking Words
, IT IS CRUCIAL TO TAKE A DEEP DIVE INTO ITS COMPLEXITIES AND EXPLORE POTENTIAL OUTCOMES. I WILL BE DISCUSSING BOTH STATEMENTS IN THE FOLLOWING ESSAY.
Body paragraph 1
ON ONE HAND, SOCIOETY THINK IT WAS A GOOD METHOD TO MAKE A NEW FRIENDS THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA AND INTERNET CHART GROUPS. AS, IT WILL CONNECT
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 ACROSS THE WORLD. IT IS A BETTER WAY TO EXPLORE NEW
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 AND SHARES THOUGHT WITH THEM.
LIKEWISE
Linking Words
,
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
ALSO
Linking Words
 GET TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE DIFFERENT DIVERSITY AND GAINED KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THAT AREA. IT WILL
ALSO
Linking Words
 PROVIDE NUMEROUS THOUGHTS ON A TOPIC WITH EFFECTIVE SOLUTIONS.
FOR INSTANCE
Linking Words
, IT WILL PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES TO EXPLORE NEW PLACES WITHIN ONE'S OWN PLACE,
WHILE
Linking Words
 CONNECTING THEM WITH MULTIPLE RESOURCES TO ENJOY THAT VIEW.
Body paragraph 2
ON THE OTHER HAND
Linking Words
, SOME THINK FACE TO FACE INTERACTION HAVE CRUCIAL ROLES IN FRIENDSHIPS.
MOREOVER
Linking Words
, IT WILL MAKE PERSON MORE CONNECTED AND SECURED. APART FROM THAT, IT WILL
ALSO
Linking Words
 HELP IN APPROACHING A GREAT NUMBER OF OPPORTUNITIES VIA FACE-TO-FACE INTERACTION. AND IT WILL BOOST SELF-CONFIDENCE IN A
PERSON
Punctuation problem
PERSON.
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
ALONG WITH
Linking Words
 THAT, IT HAS ADVANTAGES IN FACE INTERVIEW SESSIONS WITH THE HIGHER AUTHORITIES. TO EPITOMISE, IT WILL BROUGHYT MUCH CONFIDENCE
WHILE
Linking Words
 GIVING AN INTERVIEW.
Conclusion
TO RECAPITULATE, HAVING ONLINE FRIENDS COULD BE BENEFICIAL IN SOME CIRCUMSTANCES. BUT REAL LIFE INTERACTIONS BUILD A GREATER SENSE OF CONNECTION AND ATTACHMENT.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Discuss both views more fully. Explain why online friends can be useful and why meeting in person is important. Then give your own clear view in the last paragraph.
task response
Make your main ideas more direct. For example, online groups can help people meet others who have the same interests, while face-to-face time helps people see feelings and build trust.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The example about new places is not closely linked to making friends. Give an example of two people who meet in an online group and later become friends.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, one view, the other view, and conclusion. Keep this shape, but make each paragraph focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. Words such as 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are useful, but do not start too many sentences with 'Moreover', 'And', or 'Apart from that'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences clearer. State an idea, explain it, and then give an example. This will help the reader follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very general opening lines such as 'gathered significant attention'. Start with the topic in simple words and clearly show the two views.
task response
You cover both online friendship and face-to-face friendship, and your conclusion shows that you understand the main difference between them.
coherence and cohesion
The use of separate paragraphs for the two views makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to the main topic and gives a clear final direction: real-life contact can create stronger connection.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: