IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

1.You are planning a 2-day work training outside your city next month. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel regarding the accommodation arrangements for your visit. In your letter, you should: •introduce yourself and your company •ask the availability of their rooms •tell him / her your every arrangement and needs.

4.5 / 9
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Dear Sir/
Madame
Use the right word
Madam
show examples
, I'
m
Use synonyms
 writing
you
Change preposition
to you
show examples
 to make an appointment to book your Hotel for the 2 upcoming
day
Check wording
days
show examples
 starting from Monday Next week to Wednesday.
To begin
Linking Words
, I'
m
Use synonyms
 Axel Johnson,
currrently
Correct your spelling
currently
 working in
SP
Add an article
the SP
show examples
 company. I have been working for a decade now. In adddition
this
Linking Words
 company work on electrical installation
wherby
Correct your spelling
where
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 we make installation to residential homes. I'
m
Use synonyms
 in charge of
technical
Add an article
the technical
show examples
 department.
Also
Linking Words
, I'
m
Use synonyms
 the Chief
engineer that
Correct pronoun usage
Engineer who
show examples
 will manage the project I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 work on.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I want to book a spacious room
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 with a bathroom
with the
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
 kitchen.
This
Linking Words
 is mostly preferable
due to
Linking Words
 the
little
Correct determiner usage
few
show examples
 days I will spend
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
there
show examples
, no need for
more
Rephrase
anything
show examples
 bigger than that.
Finally
Linking Words
, I want to know the price so that we can
negotiahe
Correct your spelling
negotiate
 for the appropriate price
that is
Linking Words
 convenient for my budget
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Some
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more details
I
Punctuation problem
, I
show examples
will send you a copy of my
Id Card
Capitalize the proper name
ID card
show examples
 and for any information
just
Punctuation problem
, just
show examples
 contact me
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 my cell number 08754322211. I'
m
Use synonyms
 waiting
hearing
Wrong verb form
to hear
show examples
 from you! Yours faithfully! Axel.

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task response
Say the exact dates and ask if rooms are free. Explain the training plan, how many people will come, and what rooms you need.
task response
Ask about the price, meals, a meeting room, Wi-Fi, parking, and any other needs for the work training.
task response
Use clear words for your request. You need a booking, not an appointment.
coherence and cohesion
Put each main point in its own short paragraph: who you are, room request, training needs, and price and contact details.
coherence and cohesion
Make the dates clear. “For two days from Monday to Wednesday” is not clear because this is three days.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words such as “First”, “Also”, and “Finally”. Check long sentences and use full stops.
coherence and cohesion
Start with “Dear Sir or Madam,” and end with “Yours faithfully,”. Do not use an exclamation mark in a formal letter.
task response
You introduce yourself, your company, and your work role.
task response
You ask about a room and the price.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear opening, middle, and closing.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph words such as “To begin”, “Secondly”, and “Finally”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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