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Band 5

Some people believe that universities should focus on providing students with the skills they need for employment. Others argue that the main purpose of university education is to develop knowledge and encourage intellectual growth. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Some people believe that
universities
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 should prepare
students
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 for their future jobs,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
universities
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 should focus on academic
knowledge
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 and intellectual development. In my opinion, both are important, but I believe that
universities
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 should give more attention to preparing
students
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 for employment.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, academic
knowledge
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 is an important part of university education.
Students
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 need to understand their subjects because
this
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knowledge
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 can help them solve problems and make better decisions in the future.
For example
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, medical
students
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 must study science and learn about the human body before they can become doctors.
Therefore
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,
universities
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 should provide
students
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 with a strong academic background.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
students
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also
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 need practical and social
skills
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 to succeed in their careers. These
skills
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 include communication, teamwork, and problem-solving.
For example
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, when
students
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 work on group projects at university, they learn how to share ideas, deal with disagreements, and cooperate with others. These experiences can help them manage problems with their colleagues in the workplace.
As a result
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,
universities
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 should provide
students
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 with opportunities to develop these
skills
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 before they graduate.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 academic
knowledge
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 is essential, I believe that
universities
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 should
also
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 focus on employment
skills
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. In my view, combining theoretical
knowledge
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 with practical experience is the best way to prepare
students
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 for their future careers.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why job skills should have more focus than academic study. You could also say how the two aims can work together in real courses.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit the main ideas. Add one more real example, such as work practice, a short job course, or help from local firms, to make the point about job skills more full.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow. The four parts have clear jobs: opening, first view, second view, and ending. Keep this clear plan in future work.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of links between ideas. You use “For example”, “Therefore”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” well, but you can also use simple links such as “However”, “In addition”, and “This means that” where they fit.
coherence and cohesion
The last part repeats your view well. It could be even stronger if it directly said that job skills need more focus, while academic study must still be part of every course.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you show both views and state your own view from the start.
task response
The medical student example clearly shows why strong subject knowledge is needed before work can begin.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part starts with a clear topic idea, so the reader can understand your point quickly.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a clear order, and the ending brings the two main ideas together well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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