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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019.

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The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019.
There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 multiple reasons why workers prefer to work from
home
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
who
Rephrase
how
show examples
 many hours
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
gender
Check wording
genders
show examples
 worked at
home
Use synonyms
 foe the year 2019.From my perspective,I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that working from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
Use synonyms
 smart idea.
However
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 might be a bad idea for other workers
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, I will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both opinions with you
down
Rephrase
apply
show examples
below. The biggest reason for whe why
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 prefer to work from
home
Use synonyms
 it is to save money as we can in the statistic there is 45% was
males
Use synonyms
 and 42%
females
Use synonyms
 who said that ,
then
Linking Words
 there is 4% of
males
Use synonyms
 and 26% of
females
Use synonyms
 said that there reason for working from
home
Use synonyms
 it is for easier childcare, and evantually there is only 24% of
males
Use synonyms
 and 11% of
females
Use synonyms
 choose it for more productive.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,working from
home
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not work for others,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that staying at
home
Use synonyms
 for
along
Use the right word
long
show examples
 hours can
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 your mood
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
It maight
Correct your spelling
it might
 let some peopel fell lonely and
disappointment
Replace the word
disappointed
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it will be a smart idea to orgnaize there time, that does not mean it works with everybody. In my view, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that working from
home
Use synonyms
it
Verb problem
is
show examples
 the best thing for people
how
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have children,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 need to spend more time with them, and to ensure they are feeling well.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words home, males, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work from home
  • remote working
  • main reason
  • leading factor
  • least common reason
  • working-hours category
  • male workers
  • female workers
  • a higher proportion
  • a lower percentage
  • the largest share
  • the smallest figure
  • account for
  • make up
  • be more likely to
  • be less likely to
  • a noticeable difference
  • a similar proportion
  • respectively
  • overall trend
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