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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

#writing #task_2 Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both views and give your opinion

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
It has been observed that some students should study whatever they want,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe they should only study the useful subjects in the
future
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 I
formaly
Correct your spelling
formally
 agree
for
Change preposition
to
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 let the students study what they
belongs
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belong
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 to.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, I really believe how important to choose what the
future
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want
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wants
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, but
some times
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sometimes
 you need to find where you belong
to
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apply
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, so you can enjoy your career.
For Example
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, if you are intresting on Art or fashion, you can get
a high
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higher
 grades more easier tahn any
major
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other major
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, because you know everything about
the
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apply
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fashion or art.
Furthermore
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, you will enjoy studying for exams or doing your
homeworks
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homework
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are some key points
, these days
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. These days,
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 you should follow the
future
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, because every one focuse on
econimic
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economic
 growth, so if you want to have a great job and get more
mone
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money
, you should choose what is useful in the
future
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.
For Example
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,
Ai
Capitalize the proper name
AI
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 is the
future
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if
Punctuation problem
. If
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 you didn't know how to use the Ai or any kind of technology, you will not find a good job in big
compaines
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companies
.
Moreover
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, the Ai now in every job and every major.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, there are some advantages for
only allowed students
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students who are only allowed to
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 choose
a
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apply
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useful subjects in the
future
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, but the disadvantages are more significant
,
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;
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 you should choose what
make
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makes
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 you feel proud of
your self
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yourself
 and
make
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makes
show examples
 you more confident.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, so you answer all parts of the task. However, make your opinion clearer in the first paragraph. Say that students should be free to choose, even though science and technology are important.
task response
Give fuller reasons for each view. For the first view, explain that students often work harder and do better when they like their subject. For the other view, explain why jobs in science and technology may help the country and the job market.
task response
Your examples are linked to the topic, but they need more detail. For example, explain how an art student can find work, or name jobs where AI skills are useful. Avoid saying that AI is in every job, because this is too broad.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph start with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the ideas are joined with commas. Use shorter sentences. For example: “Students should also think about future jobs. Science and technology can offer many work chances.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” are good. Add simple links such as “For this reason”, “However”, and “As a result” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Make word use more exact. Write “useful subjects” instead of “what the future want”, “earn more money” instead of “get more mone”, and “choose subjects” instead of “only allowed students choose”.
task response
You cover both sides of the question and state your own view in the conclusion.
task response
The examples about art, fashion, AI, and technology are relevant to the main topic.
coherence and cohesion
The four-paragraph layout is easy to see, and the conclusion returns to your main opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “To conclude”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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