IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to solve traffic and transportation problems is to encourage people to move in cities from suburbs and countryside’s areas. Do you agree and disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that the best method to solve traffic congestion and transportation issues is to encourage residents from countrysides and suburbs to
move
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 urban
areas
Use synonyms
. I entirely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view because
increase
Replace the word
an increased
 population in cities
cause
Use synonyms
 serious problems
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
increase
Replace the word
increased
 air pollution and
Linking Words
also
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 burden on public
transports
Check wording
transport
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason why I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view is that when a large proportion of individuals
move
Use synonyms
in cities from other
Correct word order
from other areas to cities
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 can
cause
Use synonyms
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 in fuel use. A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is that when more
people
Use synonyms
 start to live in city
areas
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to more use of transport modes
such
Linking Words
 as motorbikes and cars.
As a result
Linking Words
, rise in carbon emission which ultimately
Use synonyms
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 the surge in air pollution.
Body paragraph 2
Another significant point is that when
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 number of individuals
move
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
cities
Punctuation problem
cities,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can
cause
Use synonyms
 pressure on public
infrastrusture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
. A good example for
this
Linking Words
 is that more residents in these
areas
Use synonyms
 create more demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 public
trasnsport
Correct your spelling
transport
 and more traffic on roads.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can create more
difficuties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 in travelling.
Body paragraph 3
On the flip side, some
people
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 argue that when
people
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 start to live in city
areas
Use synonyms
 there traffic and transportation challenges can be solved.
This
Linking Words
 is because there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 better facilities in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 for transportation
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
widen
Replace the word
wider
 roads
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 public transport.
Therefore
Linking Words
, more
people
Use synonyms
 can get benefits from these opportunities.
Conclusion
To encapsulate, I completely disagree with that to motivate the
individuals
Check wording
idea of motivating individuals
show examples
 from
suburbs
Replace the word
suburban
 and
countryside
Replace the word
rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to
move
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 city
areas
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
this
Linking Words
 can result
more
Change preposition
in more
show examples
 carbon
emission
Check wording
emissions
show examples
 and pressure on public
transports
Check wording
transport
show examples
.

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task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep this view to the end. You give two main reasons: more air pollution and more pressure on public transport. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly why moving into cities makes traffic worse, not only why it affects air and transport.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic, but the examples are very general. Add one real or clear made-up case. For example, say that a city bus may already be full at rush hour, so new people may choose cars instead.
task response
The other side is included, which is good. However, it is short and not fully answered. Explain why wider roads and better public transport may still not solve the problem when too many people move into the same city.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, the other side, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. You use “As a result” many times. Try other simple links, such as “This means that”, “Because of this”, “For this reason”, and “However”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main part focused on one idea. In the first main part, start with traffic and fuel use, then move to air pollution. This order will make the point feel more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because words are missing or in the wrong form. For example, write “an increase in the population of cities causes...” and “this leads to...” Clear sentence forms will help the reader understand your links.
task response
You answer the question directly and state a strong view in both the opening and the ending.
task response
Your reasons are relevant: more people in cities can mean more cars, more pollution, and more demand for buses and roads.
coherence and cohesion
Each main idea has its own paragraph, and you use simple signposts such as “The primary reason” and “Another significant point”.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your main view and key reasons, so the essay feels complete.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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