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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Many people move to other countries to work. Some believe that migrant workers should adopt the culture of their host country, while others think they should be allowed to keep their own traditions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

8.5 / 9
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Introduction
In major urban centres across Europe and the Gulf, foreign workers now constitute a substantial demographic, and the question of how they should integrate into their host societies is a subject of considerable debate.
While
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 some contend that migrants must assimilate by adopting local customs to achieve a sense of belonging, I largely align with the view that they should be permitted to retain their own traditions.
This
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 is because a successful society can accommodate a shared public life alongside the preservation of private cultural heritage.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, the argument for cultural adaptation holds considerable weight. Proficiency in the local language and an understanding of workplace etiquette undeniably facilitate smoother employment prospects and foster better relations with the native population.
For instance
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, Moroccan immigrants in Spain who acquired Spanish fluency were demonstrably more successful in securing better-paying jobs.
This
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 is inextricably linked to the promotion of social cohesion. When newcomers appear to abide by starkly different rules, it can breed mutual misunderstanding and resentment, potentially fuelling anti-immigrant sentiment among the local populace.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, compelling newcomers to relinquish their cultural heritage exacts a significant toll. The most profound consequence is often the erosion of family bonds, as parents who abandon their mother tongue and cultural celebrations may lose the ability to transmit a meaningful sense of identity to their children.
Furthermore
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, cultural diversity is a profound asset that enriches the host society. In London,
for example
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, the culinary, musical, and artistic contributions of immigrant communities have transformed formerly mundane districts into the city's most vibrant cultural hubs.
Consequently
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, a nation that embraces diverse traditions reaps far greater rewards than one that seeks to efface them, and true integration becomes a matter of respecting the law and acquiring the language, rather than a demand for cultural surrender.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 adapting to local customs can undoubtedly ease the daily lives of newcomers, coercing them to abandon their heritage inflicts damage on families and impoverishes the wider society. On balance, the most beneficial approach is for foreign workers to participate fully in the public life of their new country
while
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 remaining at liberty to preserve their own traditions in their private lives.

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Task response
Your answer covers both views and gives a clear view of your own. To make it even stronger, say more clearly that keeping traditions does not mean refusing the host country’s way of public life. You do this near the end, but bringing this point into the main body earlier would make your view even more direct.
Task response
Your main ideas are well explained: local language can help people work and live with others, while traditions can protect family ties and add value to the host country. Keep making sure that each example is clearly linked back to the main point.
Task response
The examples are useful and fit the ideas. However, the point about Moroccan workers in Spain sounds like a fact that may need proof. In a test, a more general example can be safer, such as saying that workers who speak the local language can often talk more easily with bosses, customers, and neighbours.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. The first body part explains why some people support change, and the second explains why people should keep their traditions. This clear order works very well.
Coherence and cohesion
Your opening and ending match well. The ending returns to your main view and gives a fair middle way: take part in public life but keep private traditions.
Coherence and cohesion
Links between ideas are clear and natural, especially words such as “For instance”, “Nevertheless”, “Furthermore”, and “Consequently”. Do not add more linking words just for the sake of it; your current use is controlled and clear.
Coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are long and contain many ideas. Breaking one or two of them into shorter sentences could make the meaning even easier to take in, especially the sentence beginning “In London, for example” and the one beginning “Consequently”.
Task response
You answer every part of the question: you discuss both sides and state your own view clearly from the start.
Task response
Your view is balanced rather than one-sided. You accept the need for language, work rules, and respect for the law, while also supporting the right to keep traditions.
Coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one clear job, and the ideas move in a logical way from the issue, to the first view, to the second view, and then to a final answer.
Coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph gives a clear and useful summary without simply repeating the earlier words.
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