IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates how much
water
Use synonyms
 was consumed by the average Australian citizen in selected cities during the year 2014,
while
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 demonstrates the distribution rate among different sectors.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is clear from the bar
chart
Use synonyms
 that the
water
Use synonyms
 consumption by the average Australian public varied across the six different towns,
such
Linking Words
 as Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, and Canberra. Perth had the highest figure, compared to others,
while
Linking Words
 Canberra had the lowest position. Meanwhile, from the pie
chart
Use synonyms
, the distribution rate recorded in the agriculture sector,
whereas
Linking Words
 mining reached the smallest proportion.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
water
Use synonyms
 supply, sewage, and drainage remained unchanged , with electricity
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and gas. The other industries and manufacturing shared a similar value.
According to
Linking Words
 the first graph, the differences can be observed across these six metropolises in Australia. The largest figure was Perth, compared to others, consuming almost three hundred kiloliters per property, followed by just below 200 in Sydney, and nearly 250 in Adelaide. Brisbane was the second-highest
water
Use synonyms
 consumption area, exactly 250 KiloL/property. Melbourne
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and Canberra reached 150
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and above 100, respectively, the smallest zones as well. From the pie
chart
Use synonyms
, the biggest proportion was distributed almost 67% in the agriculture sector,
in contrast
Linking Words
, only two percentage used for the mining and household sectors, which shared 9 per cent.
However
Linking Words
, the other fields,
such
Linking Words
 as
water
Use synonyms
 supply, electricity, and gas, remained the same at seven per cent, even though the other industries and manufacturing contributed the same portion of
water
Use synonyms
 at 4%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, water with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: