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Band 6.5

The line graph shows value changes in the UK steel industry between 1970’s and 2000 while the second line chart show employment status in the same industry

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The line graph shows value changes in the UK steel industry between 1970’s and 2000 while the second line chart show employment status in the same industry
The two line charts
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 changes in
steel
Add an article
the steel
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
regarding
show examples
demand
Use synonyms
,
production
Use synonyms
 and
imports
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of employees in the same
industry
Use synonyms
 in the UK from 1970 to 2000
Overall
Linking Words
, total
demand
Use synonyms
 and
production
Use synonyms
 showed downward trends,
while
Linking Words
imports
Use synonyms
 witnessed
opposite
Add an article
an opposite
show examples
 trend. The
number
Use synonyms
 of people
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
steel
Add an article
the steel
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 throughout the period. In 1970, total
demand
Use synonyms
 was highest at 200,000
million
Use synonyms
,
production
Use synonyms
 stood
behind
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at 180,000
million
Use synonyms
 and
imports
Use synonyms
only
Verb problem
were only
show examples
 at 10,000
million
Use synonyms
.
Demand
Use synonyms
 and
production
Use synonyms
 decreased slightly to 190,000
million
Use synonyms
 and 140,000
million
Use synonyms
, respectively,
while
Linking Words
imports
Use synonyms
 increased to 48,0000
million
Use synonyms
 in
next
Add an article
the next
show examples
 decade.
Demand
Use synonyms
 and
production
Use synonyms
 fell significantly to 105,000
million
Use synonyms
 and 80,000
million
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
demand
Use synonyms
 and
production
Use synonyms
 continued to drop to 100,000
million
Use synonyms
 and 75,000
million
Use synonyms
, respectively
between
Punctuation problem
, between
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 1990 and 2000.
While
Linking Words
imports
Use synonyms
 rose steadily
approximately
Punctuation problem
, approximately
show examples
 equal to
production
Use synonyms
 at 75,000 from 1990 to 2000. In 1970, the
number
Use synonyms
 of employees stood at 50,000
Check wording
apply
show examples
thousand
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 decreased to 40,000
Use synonyms
thousand
Check wording
apply
show examples
in 1980. In 1990, the figure for employees continued to drop
significant
Rephrase
significantly
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 by half
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20,000
Use synonyms
thousand
Check wording
apply
show examples
after that employment reached
at
Correct determiner usage
its
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 lowest point, at approximately 15,000
Use synonyms
thousand
Check wording
apply
show examples
in 2000. The
number
Use synonyms
 of people
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
steel
Add an article
the steel
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
 decreased consistently over 30 years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words industry, demand, production, imports, number, million, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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