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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is observed that in many countries, not enough students are choosing to study science subjects. What are the causes, and what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
There is a major problem arising in
modern
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the modern
show examples
 world about
lack
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the lack
show examples
 of
science
Use synonyms
 students. Nowadays, more and more young students are mostly applying to
progrmes
Correct your spelling
programs
such
Linking Words
 as economics or business.
This
Linking Words
 fact in
long term
Rephrase
a long-term
 perspective can cause several serious problems with
number
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the number
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 of
sience
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science
 workers and
Use synonyms
shortage
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the shortage
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 of
inovations
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innovations
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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essay,
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 I will discuss possible causes of
theese
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these
 issues and predicted consequences.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main causes is that
fundation
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the foundation
 of
Use synonyms
science
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the science
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 sector is facing
signifisant
Correct your spelling
a significant
shortage
Use synonyms
 in a variety of countries.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 people tend to choose connected subjects and don't see any great career prospects.
For example
Linking Words
, studies suggested that
economic
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the economic
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 and law sectors are popular among modern youth because they can clearly see which companies they can apply
lately
Change preposition
to later
show examples
, at the same time
there
Punctuation problem
, there
show examples
 are a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 number of
spesific high valued
Correct your spelling
specific high-value
 firms connected to
science
Use synonyms
 .To fix
this
Linking Words
, governments and investors should provide enough
fundation
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funding
 for
Use synonyms
science relted
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science-related
 companies.
Body paragraph 2
The second issue that can affect the
shortage
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 of specialists
,
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apply
show examples
 is a high level
knowladge requierd
Correct your spelling
of knowledge required
 to enter a university. If
program
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the program
show examples
 is
Use synonyms
science
Correct your spelling
science-related
related
Punctuation problem
related,
show examples
 there are high standarts of who can study for a future scientist. Because of that,
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 people feel confident enough even to try entering a university. For
inctance
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instance
, in most elite
schools
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schools,
show examples
 the number of places available
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 so low
,
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apply
show examples
 that there can be more
that
Use the right word
than
show examples
 10 people for one place.
This
Linking Words
 causes a lack of confidence in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 majority. To escape
this
Linking Words
 issue, there must be more places on sience related programms available,
consequently
Linking Words
 more
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 will try to apply.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the problem of
Use synonyms
shortage
Add an article
the shortage
show examples
 of
science
Use synonyms
student are
Rephrase
students is
 significant
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
masures
Correct your spelling
measures
such
Linking Words
 as
propper fundation
Correct your spelling
proper funding
 and
presenting
Verb problem
providing
show examples
 more places in universities should be made as fast as possible.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, society will face a lack of specialists,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can end up slowing
general
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the general
show examples
 progress of humanity and modernisation around the world.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: you explain why fewer students choose science and what may happen as a result. However, the ideas need more clear detail. Explain why low money in science makes young people choose business, and show more fully how this leads to fewer new ideas and fewer science workers.
task response
Keep the focus on causes and effects. Some lines give ways to fix the problem, but the question does not ask for this. Use this space to develop the effects on health care, new technology, the environment, and daily life.
task response
Your examples are useful but too general. Give one clear real or possible case. For example, if a country has too few science students, it may need to bring in doctors, engineers, or lab workers from other countries.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow. Make each body part start with one direct main idea, then give an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The first body part mixes a cause, an effect, and a way to fix the issue. Keep one purpose in each part. For this question, write one part about jobs and pay, and another about hard entry rules or hard science classes. Then write the effects in a separate part.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Phrases such as “Due to this”, “Because of that”, and “Otherwise” are helpful, but make sure the link is clear. For example: “As a result, fewer students enter science courses.”
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences. This will make your meaning more clear and help the reader see the link between each idea.
task response
You give two clear causes: weak money for science work and hard entry rules for science courses.
task response
You identify important effects, including too few science workers and slower new ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending returns to the main problem.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing and basic linking words to guide the reader through your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics)
  • intrinsic complexity
  • interdisciplinary
  • career counseling
  • hands-on experience
  • financial constraints
  • cultural stereotypes
  • technological stagnation
  • economic growth
  • foreign experts
  • healthcare advancements
  • educational gap
  • perceived difficulty
  • reliance
  • environmental challenges
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