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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

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Introduction
In
this
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 contemporary era, a considerable number of countries allow primary and secondary schools to close for two to three months in the
summer
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.
While
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 numerous individuals believe that schools should take a break in the
summer
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, I firmly believe that it must be shorter
due to
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 the fact that it could significantly reduce
students
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’ educational performance.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, several parents are convinced that pupils should have a long
holiday
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 in the
summer
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 to spend valuable time with their family members. To illustrate, having a long break in the
summer
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 provides a chance for
students
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 to communicate with their relatives in the family, resulting in thriving bonds among family members.
For instance
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, in Syria, most
students
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 meet with their grandparents and have a joyful time with them.
Thus
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, providing a long
holiday
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 for learners could reinforce their meaningful communication with their relatives.
Body paragraph 2
In contrast
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, many instructors think that vacations should be
districted
Verb problem
disrupted
show examples
 because it could decrease learners’ performance.
This
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 is because
students
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 who spend
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
time
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part of their time
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 without
practicing
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practising
show examples
 what they have learned in school effectively could fade.
For example
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, a substantial number of learners forget scientific information which is related to biology if it cannot be repeated.
As a result
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,
students
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 should have a short
holiday
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 to maintain their educational performance in schools.
Conclusion
In conclusion, as mentioned in
this
Linking Words
 essay, there are different points of view about having a
holiday
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 in the
summer
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. Whilst Numerous individuals believe that it should
be
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take a
show examples
 long
to
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time to
show examples
 build up
real
Add an article
a real
show examples
 social bond with relatives, others think that it must be decreased because it could have detrimental effects on pupils’ education. In my opinion,
students
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 should study frequently to increase their educational productivity.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain the value of long breaks in more than one way, such as family time, rest, travel, and time for hobbies. Then give more than one clear reason for shorter breaks.
task response
Make your main view clear from the start and keep it the same. You say long breaks are useful for family time, but your view is that they should be shorter. Explain why the second point is stronger.
task response
Develop each idea with a clear chain: point, why it is true, and result. For example, say that a long break may cause loss of school skills because pupils do not read, write, or do maths for many weeks.
task response
Use examples that clearly prove the point. The Syria example is too general. Give a short, clear case that shows how family visits help children, or how a long break makes school work harder when classes start again.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this order, but make each body paragraph start with a direct answer to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the move between ideas: “One value of long holidays is...”, “However, shorter holidays may be better because...”, and “For this reason...”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word choice is not clear. For example, change “vacations should be districted” to “holidays should be shorter.” Change “what they have learned in school effectively could fade” to “may forget what they learned at school.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea in the last paragraph. The ending should briefly sum up both sides and then state your view in one clear sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Check capital letters and small word errors. Do not write “Numerous” with a capital letter in the middle of a sentence. Also use “strong family bonds” instead of “real social bond.”
task response
You answer both questions by giving one value of long holidays and one reason for shorter holidays.
task response
Your main view is clear: you think shorter holidays can help pupils keep their school skills.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs, and the opening and ending are present.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words, such as “To begin with”, “For instance”, “In contrast”, and “As a result”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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