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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
The diagram graph shows
Correct article usage
the reponsibilities
show examples
reponsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 of
maried
Correct your spelling
married
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 weekly
chore
Fix the agreement mistake
chores
show examples
 by gender,
child
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
 and
hours
Use synonyms
. A glance at the graph
reveal
Change the verb form
reveals
show examples
 that
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
child
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
 has
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 of families.
Firstly
Linking Words
, The graph illustrates
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 gender are more activities than
men
Use synonyms
. First diagram work
time
Use synonyms
 is
Correct article usage
a totally
show examples
totally
Replace the word
total
show examples
50
Change preposition
of 50
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 which is without children. The male gender works under 20
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
female
Add an article
the female
a female
show examples
 is 30
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a week. As
size
Add an article
the size
show examples
 of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 is growing
such
Linking Words
 as 1-2
child
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 work
time
Use synonyms
 increase significantly
over
Change preposition
by over
show examples
 50
hours
Use synonyms
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 do. The
third
Linking Words
graphs
Fix the agreement mistake
graph
show examples
 shows which is over 3
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 the
females
Change to a genitive case
female's
females'
show examples
 chore peak at 60
hours
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 do not have
Correct article usage
the reponsibilitiy
show examples
reponsibilitiy
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsibilities
care
Fix the infinitive
to care
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Change the article
a
the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of working
time
Use synonyms
 is
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
, as
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
child
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
. In short, when the family get a
child
Use synonyms
, the women
passing
Wrong verb form
pass
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
 than
men
Use synonyms
 do.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
child
Use synonyms
 care, all chore and other activities were
incured
Correct your spelling
incurred
 by women.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words child, number, hours, time, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • unpaid work
  • categories
  • average hours
  • men
  • women
  • comparison
  • overview
  • highest
  • differences
  • reasons
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • gender roles
  • societal expectations
  • cultural norms
  • work-life balance
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