IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

While recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attention to their personal qualities, rather than qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

#employee #employer #attention #qualities #qualifications
In order to select the best
candidate
,
Accept space
,
 multitude factors
such
 as appearance
,
Accept space
,
skills, qualification
,
Accept space
,
expertise
,
Accept space
,
and age are evaluated by the employer
.
Accept space
.
 It is suggested that while selecting an employee personal
factors
Suggestion
factor
:
Accept space
:
appearance
,
Accept space
,
honesty
,
Accept space
,
communication skills should be
priortise
something owned; any tangible or intangible possession that is owned by someone
properties
 as compared to academics and experience
.
Accept space
.
 I strongly oppose
this
 and explain my
desentment
a feeling of dissatisfaction that results when your expectations are not realized
disappointment
firstly
,
Accept space
,
by discussing the importance of
education
in
Suggestion
at
 work
,
Accept space
,
and
secondly
, by mentioning the role of all factors in
job
Suggestion
the job
a job
.
Accept space
.
To begin
 with
,
Accept space
,
academic
qualifaction
an attribute that must be met or complied with and that fits a person for something
qualification
qualifications
 of a
candidate
 reflects the
hardwork
Suggestion
hard work
.
Accept space
.
determination
Suggestion
Determination
 and will power.
while
Suggestion
While
 learning an individual acquires different aspects which are essential for a
job
.
Accept space
.
 To cite an example
,
Accept space
,
job
 of
doctor
Suggestion
a doctor
the doctor
 is entirely based on the
education
 of
medical field
Suggestion
the medical field
.
Accept space
.
if
Suggestion
If
this
 professional
job
 is given just on the basis of
peronal
concerning or affecting a particular person or his or her private life and personality
personal
 quality
,
Accept space
,
 the life of person can be threatened.
Moreover
,
Accept space
,
educational
enviornment
the totality of surrounding conditions
environment
already inculcate
Suggestion
already inculcates
 the essential skills in
individual
Suggestion
an individual
individuals
.
Accept space
.
 So
,
Accept space
,
 lower preference should not be given to
education
 by
employer
Suggestion
the employer
employers
an employer
 in relation to personal qualities
.
Accept space
.
 Elaborating
further
,
Accept space
,
 personal qualities cannot showcase the overall
potetial
existing in possibility
potential
 of
candidate
Suggestion
the candidate
a candidate
. A
candidate
 should be judged by considering all
factors not
Accept comma addition
factors, not
 by only
peronal
concerning or affecting a particular person or his or her private life and personality
personal
perennial
 qualities
.
Accept space
.
For
instance during
Accept comma addition
instance, during
selection process
Suggestion
the selection process
,
Accept space
,
 if applicant is smart and show his communication skill,
education
qualifaction
an attribute that must be met or complied with and that fits a person for something
qualification
 cannot be ignored
.
Accept space
.
In addition
,
Accept space
,
an employee with strong experience and
education
 can be the asset of the
comapny
an institution created to conduct business
company
 as he knows all the ways of doing particular
job
 and adept in working
enviornment
the totality of surrounding conditions
environment
environments
.
Accept space
.
Therefore
,
Accept space
,
a
preferece
a strong liking
preference
 regarding personal trait cannot act as
best apprach
Suggestion
the best approach
best approach
 while hiring an employee. In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
human resource is the root
of of
connects a noun with the preceding word
of
 the company on which all the work depends so during selection different magnitudes must be used
instead
 of just personal traits.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: