IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percent of these positions to women. do you agree?

#positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #percent #women
Despite being more than average in
workforce
Suggestion
the workforce
, women are offered few golden opportunities as compared to men. In my opinion, a specific percentage of high
level
 positions must be allocated to females. Due to awareness of rights, women now demand equality at every
level
, which is legal and ethical, as they are equal to men in every aspect. Considering gender equality, women must be offered high
level
 posts, as they posses creativity, which is same as man. As an illustration, MANY YOUNG GIRLS ARE EXCELLING IN FIELD OF INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY, WHICH WAS
INITIALLY
 a male dominated field.
Therefore
, they should be given
high
Suggestion
higher
level
 positions, as they deserve it. Women are considered as
multitaskers
. They have special qualities of managing multiple activities as compared to men. To illustrate, a
statistics
Suggestion
statistic
 revealed, working women are good at time management because they have to look after
home
Suggestion
the home
 and workplace at the same time.
In addition
, they tend to adjust in every environment. Psychologists believe, they have
special ability
Suggestion
a special ability
special abilities
the special ability
 to cope up with difficulties. It is due to their innate abilities to
adopt
make fit for, or change to suit a new purpose
adapt
 and adjust in
different environment
Suggestion
a different environment
, they can tackle challenging situations.
Therefore
, due to strong personality and multitasking abilities, females are prime candidates for high
level
 jobs,
on the contrary
 to men. To conclude,
although
 females
posses
have as an attribute, knowledge, or skill
possess
 a huge number in workforce, high
level
 positions are still filled by men. In my view, considering skills,
such
 as creativity and multitasking, a certain percentage of these positions must be allocated by companies to females.
This
 trend will increase in foreseeable future.
Submitted by maharsumera on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: