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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below give information about population figures in Japan. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below give information about population figures in Japan. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart gives information about the
amount
Use synonyms
 of the
population
Use synonyms
 present in
Japan
Use synonyms
 (over
Use synonyms
million
Add an article
a million
show examples
) since 1950 and
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
prediction
Add an article
a prediction
show examples
 for the future (in 2055). The table provides information about the
amount
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in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
million
Correct your spelling
millions
show examples
 of
people
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 who are 65 years old or over and their rate in the
population
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 total between 1950 and 2055 Looking at the bar chart, it is clear to see that the
population
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 in
Japan
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 has the least
amount
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 of the
population
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comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to the other years. It hit a peak in 2005 and it is predicted that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
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 will drop
under
Change preposition
to under
show examples
 a hundred
million
Use synonyms
 in 2055.
According to
Linking Words
 the diagram, in 1950 the quantity of eldest
people
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 represent a small percentage of the
population
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.
This
Linking Words
number
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 go up and will reach its maximum in 2035. First of all, the bar chart shows that in 1950 the
amount
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 of
population
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1950 was 84,1
million
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. It increased gradually until 2005
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they reach a peak (127,8
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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 in
Use synonyms
japan
Change the capitalization
Japan
show examples
).
Then
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of Japanese
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to decrease slightly over 10 years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is planned that in 2035 and 2055 the
population
Use synonyms
 will fall down to 110 and 89,9
million
Use synonyms
 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of the
eldest
Correct your spelling
oldest
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in
japan
Use synonyms
 was 4,1
million
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 in 1950 and represented 4,9% of the
population
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 total.
This
Linking Words
number
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 increased in 2005
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 25,7
million
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 (20% of the
population
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).
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
Turthermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the diagram predict that in 2035
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese
show examples
 will hit a peak and will represent 40% of the
population
Use synonyms
 in 2055

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, population, japan, million, people, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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