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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
 bar graph illustrates computer ownership by education level between 2002 and 2020 measured by percentage. In 2010, no high
school
Use synonyms
 was lower than a high
school
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 graduate
diploma
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.
However
Linking Words
, in 2002, the figure for
bachelor
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's
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 was more than a college (incomplete) at 90%,
85
Correct word choice
and 85
show examples
% respectively the
trend
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
bachelor
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
. Reminded nearly stable between 2010 at 90% and 2002 at 70%. Focusing on 2010, no high
school
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diploma
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 was much more than
2002
Change preposition
in 2002
show examples
 at 40% and 15% respectively. Moving on
postgraduate
Change preposition
to postgraduate
show examples
qualification
Use synonyms
, in 2010, the
trend
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 increased to approximately
once fold
Add a hyphen
once-fold
show examples
 at 95%, compared to 2002, where it was at 75%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the figure for high
school
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graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
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 in 2010, was about double times as much as no high
school
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diploma
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 at 70% and 39% respectively.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
an overall
show examples
 postgraduate
qualification
Use synonyms
 in 2010, was the greatest,
while
Linking Words
 the same survey in 2020 was the largest in the education level of computer ownership.
This
Linking Words
 bar graph illustrates computer ownership by education level between 2002 and 2020 measured by percentage. In 2010, no high
school
Use synonyms
 was lower than a high
school
Use synonyms
 graduate
diploma
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in 2002, the figure for
bachelor
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 was more than a college (incomplete) at 90%,
85
Correct word choice
and 85
show examples
% respectively the
trend
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
bachelor
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
. Reminded nearly stable between 2010 at 90% and 2002 at 70%. Focusing on 2010, no high
school
Use synonyms
diploma
Use synonyms
 was much more than
2002
Change preposition
in 2002
show examples
 at 40% and 15% respectively. Moving on
postgraduate
Change preposition
to postgraduate
show examples
qualification
Use synonyms
, in 2010, the
trend
Use synonyms
 increased to approximately
once fold
Add a hyphen
once-fold
show examples
 at 95%, compared to 2002, where it was at 75%.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
an overall
show examples
 postgraduate
qualification
Use synonyms

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall, to sum up".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words school, diploma, bachelor, degree, trend, qualification with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consistent increase
  • growing reliance on technology
  • clear correlation
  • digital divide
  • notable growth
  • most pronounced disparity
  • gap reduced considerably
  • percentage growth
  • higher educational levels
  • educational groups
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