The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999
This
graph demonstrates
Change preposition
to us
show examples
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the divergent levels of after-school qualifications in
Austraila
Correct your spelling
Australia
and the
proportion
of
males
and
females
who held them in 1999.
This
is a static chart which describes post-school degrees
according to
sex.Men have the highest level
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
skilled vocational
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
.
In addition
,the lowest level of
females
also
can be found in
this
aspect.
On the contrary
,the best result for women is undergraduate
diploma
level
unlike
Add the comma(s)
,unlike
show examples
males
. In 1999, skilled vocational
diploma
contains approximately 20% of women,but 90% of
males
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
qualified from
this
section.In
undergraduate
Correct article usage
the undergraduate
show examples
diploma
part,
females
have about 70%
proportion
contrary
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
men's 40% success.
This
is the lowest rate
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
males
.
Furthermore
,feminine power shows itself in
bachelor's
Correct article usage
a bachelor's
show examples
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
too.In
this
part, both of these sexes are almost equal and the
proportion
is about 50%.Master's
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
and postgraduate
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
are totally different.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
in postgraduate
diploma
Add a comma
,diploma
show examples
females
have 30% and
males
have 70%
proportion
.In master's degree indicator
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows female rates
incrasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
contrary
Change preposition
in contrary
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
men.The final line demonstrates
40
Correct article usage
a 40
show examples
%
proportion
for
females
and approximately 60% for
males
.
Submitted by azmvski on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, males, females, diploma with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: