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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #study #students #age #groups #amount #support #employers #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The first graph shows that 80% of
students
Use synonyms
 under the
age
Use synonyms
 of 26
years
Use synonyms
study
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 an average of 20%
study
Use synonyms
 for
interest
Use synonyms
. 70% of
students
Use synonyms
 between
Use synonyms
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
show examples
 26 to 29
study
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
, with a little above 10% motivated to
study
Use synonyms
 for
interest
Use synonyms
. There is a significant decline in the
study
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
Add an article
a career
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 between
ages
Use synonyms
 30 to 39
years
Use synonyms
, with a percentage between 50 to 60% but a slight
interest
Use synonyms
 between 20 to 30% is shown in
this
Linking Words
age
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 bracket.
Students
Use synonyms
 between
ages
Use synonyms
 40 to 49
years
Use synonyms
 have 40% to
study
Use synonyms
 for
career
Use synonyms
 and
interest
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
students
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 above
age
Use synonyms
 49
study
Use synonyms
 more for
interest
Use synonyms
 (70%), against
career
Use synonyms
, which is between 10 to 20%. The
second
Linking Words
 paragraph shows that employers of
students
Use synonyms
 under 26
supports
Change the verb form
support
show examples
 the
students
Use synonyms
 with time off and school fees,
while
Linking Words
 the support drops to 50% for
students
Use synonyms
 between
ages
Use synonyms
 26 to 29.
Students
Use synonyms
 between
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 30 to 39 have 30 to 40% support from their employers,
likewise
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 between
Use synonyms
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
show examples
 40 to 49.
Students
Use synonyms
 over 49
years
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relatively high support from their employers, which is slightly above 40%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, age, years, study, career, interest, ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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