In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

Nowadays, numerous teenagers are spending the majority of their
time
with their friends
instead
of
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
This
is
due to
the changing technological world. In
this
essay, I will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
reasons behind
this
trend change and the reasons why is it important for the mother or father to force the juveniles to spend more
hours
at home. First of all, the main contributing factor behind
this
trend change is the advancements in the technological field. Recently, it has been observed that children
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
most of their precious
hours
on Apps like Facebook,
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
, Twitter and Instagram, where they find people of similar
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
which they often find
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
difficult in their own
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Secondly
, numerous
parents
are spending extended
hours
in their office to cater to the needs of their family and
therefore
, often find
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
or no
hours
for their adolescents, which results in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
generation gap.
For example
, in a recent survey, it has been observed that the majority of users who spend their maximum
time
on the social media apps like Instagram and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Facebook are from
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group 7 -17 years. In my opinion, it is the need of the hour that the
parents
should ensure that their kids spend more
hours
at their home. As social media is
also
full of negativity, and with the
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
usage of it, children may become mentally unstable and develop diseases like Depression.
Furthermore
, in the absence of
parents
, they may get involved in criminal activities.So it is crucial to force them to spend their
time
at home.To
Illustrate
Fix capitalization
illustrate
show examples
, in a recent survey in Delhi, the government has seen a jump in the number of criminal cases registered against juveniles.
To conclude
,
parents
should ensure that adolescents are not exposed much to social media apps and they should force their kids to spend
time
with them.
Submitted by sharmanikhil05 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure could be improved, Task response is adequate but can be further developed with more specific examples and clearer ideas
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates good support for the main points and ideas, but the coherence and cohesion could be enhanced with more logical progression and linkers

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • establish
  • identity
  • influence
  • social media
  • digital communication
  • commitments
  • pressure
  • academic
  • profession
  • prioritize
  • cultural shifts
  • societal shifts
  • peer relationships
  • emotional support
  • guidance
  • voluntary
  • autonomy
  • balance
  • resilient
  • overbearing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: