IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#line #percentage #people #age #groups #rate #factors #terms #importance #home #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph illustrates the
importance
Use synonyms
, measured in percentages, that four
ages
Change the noun form
age
show examples
groups
Use synonyms
 place on five different factors when they move to a new home. It is immediately apparent that a low crime rate is the most important variable across all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
. Of all the factors, the desire for a low crime rate is by far the most important. Amongst
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all the
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 figure stands at around 80%, with the
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
 and elderly viewing it as slightly more important.
Next
Linking Words
, schools are seen as very important by a significant proportion of 25 to 44
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 olds
although
Linking Words
 the percentages drop markedly as people get older, with just under 25% of 55 to
64 year olds
Add a hyphen
64-year-olds
show examples
 viewing
this
Linking Words
 as important. Shopping facilities, being chosen by around 13%, are not viewed with
such
Linking Words
importance
Use synonyms
 as schools and crime by the younger
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, as people get older,
this
Linking Words
 increases in
importance
Use synonyms
 to approximately 30%, and, as would be expected, is actually more important than schools to those over 55.
Finally
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 increasing in
importance
Use synonyms
 with
age
Use synonyms
, neither parks nor public transport
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 viewed to be as important as the other factors by any of the
groups
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by socheata.kouy.2660118 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words importance, groups, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: