The charts below show proportion of British students at one university in England who able to speak other languages in addition English, In 2000 and 2010.

The charts below show proportion of British students at one university in England who able to speak other languages in addition English, In 2000 and 2010.
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The given pie charts provide information about
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
of
students
at a university in England that could speak other languages
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
English in two
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
years. In general, we can see that most
students
were able to speak Spanish at that university in 2000 and 2010.
In addition
, we can
also
view that
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
students
could speak
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two other languages. Beginning with the German
language
, we can observe that knowledge of
this
language
had increased by 5% from 2000 to 2010 at
this
university.
Moreover
,
students
were able to progress
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
Spanish
language
so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the percentage of them had risen from 30% to 35%
amongst
Change preposition
in
show examples
these years. It is
also
worth noting that
although
15 per cent of
students
could speak French in the year 2000, in 2010
this
percentage went down to 0%. Moving on to the no other
language
part , we can witness that
proportion
of
students
who were not able to speak any
language
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
English
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
reduced from 20% to 10% between 2000 and 2010.
Next
, when it comes to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
language
we can
also
notice that
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
of
students
who could speak another
language
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
increased from 15% to 20% within the decade.
Finally
, we can mention that
proportion
of
students
speaking two other languages had
also
risen from 10% to 15% between 2000 and 2010.
Submitted by mikayil.bayramov15 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, students, language with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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