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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.
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The following chart depicts the percentage of the number of people who took 5 parts of fruits and vegetables each day in the UK from the year 2001 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
women
Use synonyms
 ate
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 portions of
food
Use synonyms
 than
men
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 combined. Both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 ate more amount of
food
Use synonyms
 than
children
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can be observed that
children
Use synonyms
 consumed the least amount of
food
Use synonyms
 compared to
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
, the highest consumption was seen in the year 2006 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 percentage of above 30%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they absorbed
least
Change the article
the least
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 in the year 2001.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
men
Use synonyms
, the peak value of expenditure is noticed in the years 2005 and 2007.
Also
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 almost had
Change the article
the slighest
show examples
slighest
Correct your spelling
highest
 consumption in 2001 and 2002. In terms of
children
Use synonyms
, they had the maximum intake of
food
Use synonyms
 in 2007.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 had a gradual increase in
food
Use synonyms
 utilization
from
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the years 2003 and 2007.
Also
Linking Words
, they had
a minima
Correct the article-noun agreement
a minimum
minima
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 dissipation in 2001 and 2002.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, food, men, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trend analysis
  • Significant fluctuation
  • Dietary habits
  • Public health campaign
  • Demographic breakdown
  • Socio-economic status
  • Predictive suggestions
  • Consumption rates
  • Dietary guidelines
  • Technological advancements
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