IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

IELTS The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists who visited Brighton attractions in England from 1980 to 2010.

IELTS The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists who visited Brighton attractions in England from 1980 to 2010.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given line chart depicts the share of
tourists
Use synonyms
 who visited Brighton attractions for the
period
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, nearly all four indices exchanged their trends and were seen
upwarding
Correct your spelling
upward
 dynamics.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the data
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Art
Correct article usage
the Art
show examples
 Gallery is
exception
Add an article
an exception
the exception
show examples
 here and the proportion of Pavilion was
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
dominant
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
 .
Initially
Linking Words
, Brighton Festival was the most visited attraction in 1980 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rate of 30%. From 1980 till 1995 the number of
tourists
Use synonyms
 who visited Brighton Festival fluctuated slightly,
then
Linking Words
 stayed steady at 25%. The percentage of Art Gallery increased sharply until 1986, afterwards it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
witnessed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 moderate decline from 38% to 8% in the amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
 visited in Art Gallery for the
period
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the rate of Pavilion by
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
show examples
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 rose dramatically till 1995 from 22% to 49%,
then
Linking Words
 dropped considerably to 32%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. The trend for the Pier
was
Change the verb form
has also seen
show examples
also
Linking Words
 seen a fluctuation that doubled approximately from 10% to 21% in 1980 and 2010 respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words tourists, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: