IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The bar chart below shows the employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK in the year 2005.

The bar chart below shows the employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK in the year 2005.
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The given bar chart reveals the data about employment
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
 genders in the 9 occupations in the UK, in 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the provided figure that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most male
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 interested in skilled trades, managers and senior officials,
while
Linking Words
 most females
interested
Add a missing verb
were interested
show examples
 in personal service,
administrative
Replace the word
administration
show examples
 and secretarial. As is shown in the figure,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 male workers were interested in skilled trades, managers and senior officials, where
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
showed 20% and 17%, respectively,
while
Linking Words
 the rate of female in
this
Linking Words
 sector
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 2% and 12%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the most percentage of female workers were related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
administrative and secretarial, and personal
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
, showing 22% and 14%,
while
Linking Words
 male workers showed 5% and 3% appropriately. With regards to other sectors, their rate was equal, being around 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rates
  • occupation
  • gender disparity
  • dominates
  • societal expectations
  • training opportunities
  • economy
  • gender equality
  • government policies
  • educational reforms
  • corporate hiring practices
  • notable figures
  • trends
  • implications
  • workforce
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