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Band 6

The following graphs illustrate electronic gaming trends in South Korea in 2006. The first outlines gamer age groups and gender demographics. The second indicates game type preference. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The following graphs illustrate electronic gaming trends in South Korea in 2006. The first outlines gamer age groups and gender demographics. The second indicates game type preference. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#graphs #trends #korea #first #outlines #gamer #age #groups #gender #demographics #second #game #type #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The graphs show the trends of electronic gaming in South Korea in the year 2006. The first illustrates the proportion of females and males who played
games
according to
 their
ages
.
While
 the
second
 present the ratio of
games
 that are preferred among all
gamers
.
Overall
, both genders who played
games
 accounted for the highest proportions were in their middle
ages
.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role-playing
games
 were the most popular game
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all
gamers
.
According to
 the first graph, the percentages of males who played
games
 are higher than females
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all
ages
. The proportion of girls in their 20 -29
years
 stood at 10%,
while
 the lowest number was for the females who were more than 30
years
 by less than 5%.
Whereas
, the number of male
gamers
 increased gradually from
ages
 less than 12
years
 to reach a peak at 20-29
years
 by around 35%.
This
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 declined after
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
30
Change preposition
of 30
show examples
years
 to just over 10%. As shown in the
second
 graph,
it is clear that
 the most played game
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all players was the
role playing
Add a hyphen
role-playing
show examples
games
Fix the agreement mistake
game
show examples
 by slightly less than 50%.
While
 action, simulation, and strategy
games
preferred
Add a missing verb
are preferred
show examples
 by 20 %, 10%, and just under 20%,
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gamers
, respectively.
Submitted by randa.marwanz on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, second, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words games, ages, gamers, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "trends" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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