IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

the charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to english, in 2000 and 2010

the charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to english, in 2000 and 2010
#show #proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english
The rendered
bar
 charts
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
 the percentages of British
students
 owning the ability to use other
languages
 apart from English at one university in the United Kingdom in 2 given years, 2000 and 2010. A glance through the
bar
 charts makes it
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
obviously witnessed that the figure for speaking Spanish only
students
 always took up
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the highest part
whereas
 the lowest proportion was
students
 capable of communicating in German solely.
According to
 the indication of the first
bar
 chart, proportions of
students
 speaking different
languages
 are meticulously illustrated
to begin
, it is highlighted that the figures for
students
 who were able to use lonely German and 2 other
languages
 all possessed the slightest part with 10%.
Besides
, those proportion was equal
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half of that of
students
 who could use only their mother
tounge
Correct your spelling
tongue
 with 20%. Especially, the percentage of those having
capability
Correct article usage
the capability
show examples
 to speak solely French was the same as that of those using another
language
 with 15%. It is
also
 remarkable that Spanish was the
language
 spoken by most of
Add an article
the student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 using 1
language
 with 30%. The information
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
bar
 chart scrumptiously demonstrated percentages of
languages
 spoken by
students
 in 2010. It is distinctively described in the chart that the figures for
students
 speaking lonely English or French or German were completely equivalent
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 10%. In the others categories, their data all experienced a 5% rise, in comparison with its in 2000, with 35%, 20%,
15
Correct word choice
and 15
show examples
% in the proportion of
students
 fluent in Spanish individually, another
language
,
two
Correct word choice
and two
show examples
 other
languages
 correspondingly.
Submitted by trang140601 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, students, languages, language with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportions
  • British students
  • university
  • speaking other languages
  • language proficiency
  • overall trends
  • comparison
  • 2000
  • 2010
  • chart
  • data
  • percentage
  • significant
  • increase
  • decrease
  • noteworthy
  • comparative analysis
  • improvement
  • decline
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: