IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#employers #staff #-week #holiday #year #employees #jobs
Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employers and public developers have been working hard to determine holiday allocation for their
employees
. Some
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that staff should have a rest for a month every year,
although
this
 leads to some positive impacts, but I completely disagree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement. It is true that the
prolonging
Replace the word
prolonged
show examples
 holidays have some advantages.
First,
since
Correct word choice
apply
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this
 tendency will provide personnel with more time to release stress after a long period of working,
such
 as travelling or participating in recreational activities.
For instance
, the
employees
 would adjust themselves to work after a rest and eventually improve their work efficiency.
Secondly
, if the
employees
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 more time to take care of their babies, they would be more willing to devote their energy to their working processes, In fact, if the staff
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life satisfaction, they would only focus on
careers
Correct pronoun usage
their careers
show examples
, which is a conducive environment for the corporations' development to increase
On the other hand
, the policy of extending holidays will
also
 lead to some drawbacks, which can put the business of the companies at stake. By the time the holiday ends, the
employees
' mental and physical abilities become passive since it took them a long date without
exposing
Replace the word
exposure
show examples
 to their regular tasks
such
 as typing a report or conducting
a
Remove the article
apply
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research.
As a result
,
this
 leads to the fact that the capacity in the working environment is not effective and affect badly the company's achievement.
Furthermore
, the small companies, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 few
employees
, could have to delay the deadline of certain projects.
This
 leads to the fact that the capacity in the working environment is not effective and affect badly the company's achievement. In conclusion, since there are some advantages of the long holidays,
therefore
 the bosses can offer
employees
 about
two-week
Add an article
a two-week
the two-week
show examples
 holiday to boost staff morale and enhance cooperation and efficient working processes.
Submitted by phan linh on

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Task Response
The essay lacks a clear position on the given statement. It is important to clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential parts of an academic essay. Aim to provide a clear introduction including a thesis statement, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the thesis statement.
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