IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. How far do you agree? What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?

#people #workers #nurses #doctors #teachers #film #actors #company #bosses #sums #money #proportion #importance #work #criteria
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that it is unfair for some jobs like doctor, teacher, nurses have a lower salary than others jobs like film actors or
company
Use synonyms
 bosses while these jobs are more crucial to the society. I believe that higher payment of certain film stars and business owners are justifiable and there are two factors people should base on to set salary.
Firstly
Linking Words
, jobs in the entertainment industry or business involves various challenges and risk. To illustrate, a career of many actors is very short and they have to sacrifice their private life, love and health. Since only a few numbers of talented actors could achieve enormous success, thousands of their colleagues struggle with unemployment. The same applies to
company
Use synonyms
 bosses.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as well as doctors and teachers, these jobs play an indispensable part with the society.
For example
Linking Words
, a director or a musician dedicates their life in order to entertain or motivate people. A
company
Use synonyms
 boss makes ultimate decisions or strategic competitive plans to help the
company
Use synonyms
 to develop, réult in the development of the nation. In order to decide a person’ earning, the created value and the challenge of the job should be taken into consideration. Given the significance of a blockbuster for the enjoyment of millions of movie lovers, the director could be highly regarded.
In addition
Linking Words
, the sacrifice of a CEO to take risks and monitoring the organisation should be financially compensated. In conclusion, it is understandable why workers in the entertainment industry and the business owner having a high income. Salary should be decided by the value people create and the challenge they have to take.
Submitted by Paidia Tài Chính on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: