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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years.

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years.
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The pie charts illustrate the percentages of various types of
sources
Use synonyms
 to produce
energy
Use synonyms
 in France, in the years 1995 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, coal and gas were the most significant
sources
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 in France, in
the
Remove the article
apply
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both years. In comparison, nuclear and other
sources
Use synonyms
 contributed the least
in
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the period,
energy
Use synonyms
 generation from petroleum decreased,
while
Linking Words
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 other
sources
Use synonyms
 showed an
increase
Replace the word
increasing
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 percentage of
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
. In 1995,
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 from gas and coal
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for 29.63% and 29.80%, respectively, and these figures rose by around 1 % in 2005. At the beginning of the period, other and nuclear
sources
Use synonyms
 comprised
of
Change preposition
apply
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4.90 % and 6.40 %, respectively, and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period, grow by approximately 5 % in
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 from these
sources
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in the initial year, petroleum made up around
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
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third
Linking Words
 of total
energy
Use synonyms
 generation which,
then
Linking Words
 decreased by approximately 10% in 2005.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sources, energy, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nuclear energy
  • Renewable energy
  • Non-renewable energy
  • Technological advancements
  • Government policy
  • Environmental policies
  • Investment in renewable technologies
  • Traditional energy sources
  • Coal usage
  • Natural gas
  • Environmental regulations
  • Energy consumption
  • Energy production levels
  • Proportion
  • Broader trends
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