In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

The future is created by the
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
but the management of it has not belonged to them. So, what will be in
this
case? It has been observed that decision processing can be hard for young
adults
without their
parents
' opinions.
However
, some of them could be successful.
Firstly
, creating something is
interested
Wrong verb form
interesting
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
. And they need to spend time to improve their dreams including what they want in their lives. So, young
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
show examples
ideas'
Change noun form
ideas
show examples
start being different from
parents
at these points. It is similar to
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
who want to do their jobs by themselves.
In addition
, the teenagers starting to be
adults
are
tried setting
Wrong verb form
trying to set
show examples
their lives by leaving from
parents
. As a reason, young
adults
have not spent time with their
parents
.
Parents
are used to controlling their
children
's ideas.
This
kind of control mechanism is used to protect
children
who might make bad decisions
having
Wrong verb form
and have
show examples
bad results
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
. But, the more it can be useful the more it can be harmful. Because
this
habit may damage
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the confidence of their
children
. If it
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
been continued
Change preposition
for a
show examples
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
while
, the
children
would have not been able to make their
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
by themselves.
For example
, in business life, sometimes the most important thing is the ability to make a fast and true decision. In
this
situation,
parents
do not help. Everyone knows that
parents
can not be with their
children
forever. In conclusion, the balance of both spending time with
parents
and
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
effect on
children
's lives must be perfect to grow up happy and vivid as a young adult.
Submitted by Sibel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some logical structure, but it needs improvement in organizing the ideas more coherently and cohesively.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt, but it lacks clarity and comprehensive development of ideas. Include more specific examples to support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • establish
  • identity
  • influence
  • social media
  • digital communication
  • commitments
  • pressure
  • academic
  • profession
  • prioritize
  • cultural shifts
  • societal shifts
  • peer relationships
  • emotional support
  • guidance
  • voluntary
  • autonomy
  • balance
  • resilient
  • overbearing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: