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Band 4

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child #health
No doubt, technology provides us
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 source of entertainment, and nobody
remain
Change the verb form
remains
show examples
 behind using them including
children
. Some people assert that watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 and playing video
games
 are good for youngsters
whereas
 others believe that it
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not
got
Verb problem
fit
show examples
 their mental state. In
this
 essay, I will explain the merits and demerits of
this
 trend
along with
 my viewpoint. To start with the positives, juveniles gain technological skills by watching television and playing video
games
. To illustrate, from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent questionnaire taken in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 from the adults, it is found that those who watched
televiosion
Correct your spelling
television
 and played
games
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 more
genious
Correct your spelling
genius
 in
thei
Correct your spelling
their
the
 later
life
 as compared to others. By watching
Correct article usage
the discovery
show examples
discovery channel
Correct your spelling
Discovery Channel
show examples
 and playing mind using
games
, their minds get sharp and they can use that
inelligence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 anywhere in their
life
.
Hence
, it is prominent for
children
 to
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
Add an article
the screen
a screen
show examples
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 mindful
games
. On the opposite side, it has negatives
also
. Sitting in front of
screen
Add an article
the screen
a screen
show examples
 and enjoying
games
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 day make the
children
's mind dull as they do not show interest in their homework from school and they will lack in studies.
For example
, it is mentioned in the science books by doctors that technological gadgets
put
Verb problem
have
show examples
 bad impacts on young people's mental health and make them behind in their lives.
Therefore
, it is not beneficial for kids to use these modern gadgets all the time.
Furthermore
, the social
life
 and love among the family members of the young
one's
Change noun form
ones
show examples
 become weak if they keep using these electronics
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 day. To
exmplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
, it
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 researched that kids will not develop emotions and feelings if they attach
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
elecronics
Correct your spelling
electronics
 as they spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
quality time with them as compared to their friends and family members.
Thus
, they will not get the quality of being socialized with others and lack
friend
Correct article usage
a friend
show examples
 circle in their later
life
 when they will go out.
To sum up
,
children
 are the future of the nation and they are like
a clay
Remove the article
clay
a lump of clay
show examples
 that
mould
Correct subject-verb agreement
moulds
show examples
 in any way. Parents should make them aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the merits and demerits of using gadgets. They should allow them to watch television and
games
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for a limited time. Whatever kids learn in their early days of
life
, they will keep and follow them in their coming
life
.
Submitted by rajwinderchahal444 on

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task response
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coherence and cohesion
Work on developing a more cohesive and coherent structure. Ensure that the ideas flow logically and are connected clearly throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices to enhance coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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