IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Big salary is more important than job satisfaction. To what extend do you agree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
In general, payment rates of companies have always been
one
 of the main factors for candidates to apply for a position at a certain company. Having
satistfactory
Correct your spelling
satisfactory
satisfactorily
 monthly payment is considered to be more crucial than enjoying the
work
one
 is engaged with. In my opinion, a dream job should be associated with emotional happiness related to the
work
 and a workplace, and focusing only on quantitative factors of a position may keep
one
 away from
continious
Correct your spelling
continuous
 improvement as a professional. Since every human being has emotional requirements to be fulfilled, employers are urged to take into account the feelings of their workers as a* priority. It is obvious that the* vast majority of working people spend their active time at
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 workplace, and only weekends are suitable for having some entertaining
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 with family members or friends.
Thus
 these people should have at least a comfortable
work
 environment and some reliable colleagues to have fun with during working hours. Nowadays the most successful global companies
such
 as Google, Amazon.com, Facebook are targeting high rates of workplace satisfaction amongst their employees.
On the other hand
Add a comma
,
show examples
the amount of money paid monthly to employees does not seem to be a fully sufficient factor for
further
 success of them. Most professionals are aware that the bright future of their careers* tightly correlates with the interests of the company for improved knowledge, skills and abilities of its human resources. The rate of expertise of employees is expected to be
one
 necessary characteristic* for a firm to gain
r
Add an article
a
show examples
eputation in the marketplace.
That is
 why some enterprises* launch development programs for their teams these days. In conclusion, the importance of the amount of salary should not exceed the
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
show examples
 level of satisfaction brought by
work
 done.
Furthermore
, refinement of its
emloyees
Correct your spelling
employees
’ skills and abilities can pave the way for greater consequences for an entity, as mostly those satisfied employees are supposed to be keener* on
contininous
Correct your spelling
continuous
 improvement.
Submitted by gabiba.zakir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: