The rate of unemployment in some countries is high. Because of this, there is no need to complete an education beyond a primary school level. Write an essay either for or against this position. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Undoubtedly, nowadays, the unemployment rate has risen and
as a result
less
Change the quantifier
fewer

It appears that the quantifier less does not fit with the countable noun opportunities. Consider changing the quantifier or the noun.

show examples
career opportunities there are.
Therefore
, a significant proportion of graduates think of finding
a temporary positions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a temporary position
temporary positions

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun positions in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

show examples
instead
of entering higher
education
and acquiring a university degree.
However
, in my opinion, these two facts should not be confused because
education
yourself is vital not only to get a
job
in the
future
but
also
is beneficial for your progressing to a useful individual. So, no matter the situation which is prevailed
at
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the
job
market, higher
education
must be supported and promoted. Little do we know about what will happen in
job
Add an article
the job

The noun phrase job market seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
market in the
next
decade. Having said that, the thing that we can be sure of is the importance of
education
.
To begin
with, someone who invests in his
education
, except
from
Verify preposition usage
for

It appears that the preposition from may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

show examples
the learning
the
Remove the article
apply

It is unlikely that your sentence needs the article the before he. Consider deleting the article.

show examples
he gets,
also
improves his mental health. More specifically, entering the university
in
Correct your spelling
is

The word in doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
not only about studying but
also
socialising and exposing yourself to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
new experiences.
For instance
, through
university
Add a comma
,university

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase through university. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
we are taught crucial values
such
as approaching new people with ease, expressing our emotions, thinking outside of a box and challenging our
believes
Replace the word
beliefs

The word believes doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
by getting out of our comfort zone.
Such
important qualifications from our life in the
future
.
Moreover
, in the wake of high
unemployment
Add a comma
,unemployment

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in the wake of high unemployment. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
the
education
has a more signification role than ever before. Studying a subject that you love and become an expert
make
Change the verb form
makes

The verb make does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
you more competitive in the
job
market. Gaining
such
qualifications allows us to secure a position with more ease and confidence. In conclusion, we should not forget the present by thinking only about the
future
, but
firstly
, we ought to invest in ourselves at the present in order to get the maximum profits in the
future
and
this
thing can only happen through
education
.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Try other services:

All the services are free for Premium users