IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, children watch a lot of tv and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health
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With the advent of technology , indoor
activities
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 like watching
television
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 and playing
video
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games
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 have increased immensely. A popular belief is that watching
television
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 is healthy for the
mind
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minds
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 of
children
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.
However
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, in
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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sharp contrast, others opine that these
activities
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 affect their mental health . I support the latter view and believe that
such
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activities
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 hurt the child's intellectual ability. First and foremost, watching
television
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 for a longer duration affects the eyesight of the
children
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,
consequently
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 leading to visual impairment. Many
children
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 have started wearing prescription glasses at an early age because of playing
video
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games
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.
Secondly
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, playing
video
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games
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hurt
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hurts
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 their mental health,
for example
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, playing shooting
games
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 or fighting
games
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 leads to insane behaviour and
make
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makes
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 them more arrogant.
Thirdly
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, owing to indoor
activities
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, many
children
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 are suffering from obesity which results in cardiac-related diseases.
Additionally
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, if the
children
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 actively participate in outdoor physical
activities
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, they will inhale fresh air which will make their
mind
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minds
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 rejuvenate and will boost their competitive skills.
Children
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 should be motivated to participate in yoga which is itself an indoor activity, it not only helps to foster the mind but
also
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 them calm and subtle. In a survey conducted by The Times of India,
children
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 who did yoga frequently were able to concentrate more on
the
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apply
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academics
those
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apply
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compared to the
one
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ones
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 watching
television
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 watching
television
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 and playing
video
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games
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 amalgamates the
children
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's knowledge; mental health and peace cannot be compromised.
Children
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 should be encouraged to be more involved in yoga and sports which keeps them calmer and in harmony.
Submitted by saikiran.madugula777 on

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task response
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coherence and cohesion
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