Nowadays, children watch a lot of tv and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health

With the advent of technology , indoor

activities

like watching

television

and playing

video

games

have increased immensely. A popular belief is that watching

television

is healthy for the

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

children

However

, in

its

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

sharp contrast, others opine that these

activities

affect their mental health . I support the latter view and believe that

such

activities

hurt the child's intellectual ability. First and foremost, watching

television

for a longer duration affects the eyesight of the

children

consequently

leading to visual impairment. Many

children

have started wearing prescription glasses at an early age because of playing

video

games

Secondly

, playing

video

games

hurt

Wrong verb form

hurts

show examples

their mental health,

for example

, playing shooting

games

or fighting

games

leads to insane behaviour and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

them more arrogant.

Thirdly

, owing to indoor

activities

, many

children

are suffering from obesity which results in cardiac-related diseases.

Additionally

, if the

children

actively participate in outdoor physical

activities

, they will inhale fresh air which will make their

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

rejuvenate and will boost their competitive skills.

Children

should be motivated to participate in yoga which is itself an indoor activity, it not only helps to foster the mind but

also

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

them calm and subtle. In a survey conducted by The Times of India,

children

who did yoga frequently were able to concentrate more on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

academics

those

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

compared to the

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

watching

television

To conclude

although

watching

television

and playing

video

games

amalgamates the

children

's knowledge; mental health and peace cannot be compromised.

Children

should be encouraged to be more involved in yoga and sports which keeps them calmer and in harmony.

Submitted by saikiran.madugula777 on Mon Mar 29 2021

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task response

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.

coherence and cohesion

The essay lacks overall coherence and cohesion. Ensure that there is a clear structure and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, children watch a lot of tv and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people argue that in order to improve the quality of education, high school students should be encouraged to make comments or even critism of their teachers. Others think it will lead to loss of respects and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

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