IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent females. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#level #positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #percent #females #percentage #women
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Most of the top
positions
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 in several companies are occupied by males even though more than
a
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apply
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50
percent
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per cent
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 of
workforce
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the workforce
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 is females in many developed countries. I strongly disagree
to
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with
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 the notion that the
firm's
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firms
firm
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 should provide a fixed proportion of
top level
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top-level
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 job
positions
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 to
women
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. It is a false notion to allocate a certain portion of
high level
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high-level
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 designation to
women
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,
however
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, the allocation should only
based
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be based
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 on the educational qualification and the ability to manage while in a higher
position
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, rather than selecting them on a gender basis or by giving a reservation to
women
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. Only the apt person who is well talented should be considered to the same.
Moreover
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, the experience of that person should be considered as he gained better knowledge which is enough to managerial
positions
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, whereas, if a
under
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apply
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experienced
women
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 with lack of talent is in the top
position
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, it can be the only reason to
Correct your spelling
shut down
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shutdown
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shut down
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 the company.
In addition
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, if a fixed percentage of top
position
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 is reserved for
women
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, the eagerness for higher education for
women
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 will get reduced as they already have a reservation, so
ratio
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the ratio
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 of qualified
women
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get
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gets
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 reduced.
Moreover
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, the growth rate of
firm
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a firm
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get
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gets
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 declined if
a
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apply
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professionaly
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professionally
professional
 incompetent
women
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 occupy
in
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apply
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such
Linking Words
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position
Correct article usage
a position
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. Even though not considering the gender as well as the reservations,
women
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 can be in higher
positions
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 if
she
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isshe
wasshe
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 capable of.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays, several
women
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 work in managerial
positions
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 in many companies like
as
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apply
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in my company that I work. In conclusion, the reservations for
women
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 for
high level
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high-level
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positions
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 should not be promoted and should
discouraged
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discourage
be discouraged
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 as it brings a depreciation in the economy of the country.
Submitted by Ashith on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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