IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males to females from certain professions because of their gender?

#women #men #strength #weaknesses #right #males #females #professions #gender
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Society
Use synonyms
 is highly influenced by the
content
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 shown on
media
Use synonyms
 platforms,
Such
Linking Words
 as violent
content
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 which promotes hate and crime among peoples. I completely agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement about promoting violent
content
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 to our
society
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 and will be discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the same in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
massive
Add an article
a massive
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 amount of audience
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in watching thriller and crime based shows, in which mass killing and
brutual
Correct your spelling
brutal
 acts of humanity are promoted.
However
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, promoting
this
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 kind of
content
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 is spreading hate and crime in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 leading to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in criminal activities.
On the other hand
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, criminals can
also
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 get ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ideas by
obeserving
Correct your spelling
observing
 various techniques of doing criminal
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 shown on
media
Use synonyms
 platforms.
For example
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, one of the
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 fell from his roof while intimating the actor of superman.
Secondly
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, heroic and brutality scenes are shown
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
sake
Add an article
the sake
show examples
 of accelerating TRP by the
media
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 houses, which try to brainwash people to make them think
that is
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 true and real. Along with
this
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,
this
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 will completely ruin the teenager as they tempted by showing
luxury
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the luxury
show examples
 lifestyle of film stars shown in films or news channels for which
media
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 plays a vital role to promote
this
Linking Words
 kind of
content
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 on their platforms.
For
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example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 students were caught by the police stealing jewellery shop because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their favourite stars wears them. To conclude, According to
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
, crimes are increasing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 and
major
Add an article
the major
a major
show examples
 reason behind it is violence telecasted by the
media
Use synonyms
. To stop
this
Linking Words
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
movement
 should acknowledge putting some strict laws to restrict the contents. - [ ]
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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