IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males to females from certain professions because of their gender?

#women #men #strength #weaknesses #right #males #females #professions #gender
Society
 is highly influenced by the
content
 shown on
media
 platforms,
Such
 as violent
content
 which promotes hate and crime among peoples. I completely agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement about promoting violent
content
 to our
society
 and will be discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the same in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there
are
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is
show examples
massive
Add an article
a massive
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 amount of audience
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in watching thriller and crime based shows, in which mass killing and
brutual
Correct your spelling
brutal
 acts of humanity are promoted.
However
, promoting
this
 kind of
content
 is spreading hate and crime in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 leading to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in criminal activities.
On the other hand
, criminals can
also
 get ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ideas by
obeserving
Correct your spelling
observing
 various techniques of doing criminal
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 shown on
media
 platforms.
For example
, one of the
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 fell from his roof while intimating the actor of superman.
Secondly
, heroic and brutality scenes are shown
in
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for
show examples
sake
Add an article
the sake
show examples
 of accelerating TRP by the
media
 houses, which try to brainwash people to make them think
that is
 true and real. Along with
this
,
this
 will completely ruin the teenager as they tempted by showing
luxury
Add an article
the luxury
show examples
 lifestyle of film stars shown in films or news channels for which
media
 plays a vital role to promote
this
 kind of
content
 on their platforms.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 students were caught by the police stealing jewellery shop because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their favourite stars wears them. To conclude, According to
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
, crimes are increasing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 and
major
Add an article
the major
a major
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 reason behind it is violence telecasted by the
media
. To stop
this
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
movement
 should acknowledge putting some strict laws to restrict the contents. - [ ]
Submitted by ankitsharma.ank06 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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