IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that employers should ensure a pleasant working environment so that workers feel valued and will therefore work hard. Others feel that employers should be more strict with employees and monitor them closely to ensure they work hard. What is your opinion?

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Every employer has a different style of conducting the
employees
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. Some employers monitor
employees
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 every step in the workplace.
Otherwise
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, some employers intentionally create a great
atmosphere
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 of working in order to make
employees
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 feel comfortable and bring a spectacular
performance
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 of working. In my opinion, I opt to have a working
environment
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 as the
second
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 one with the reasons below.
Firstly
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, a great working
performance
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 usually comes with the optimal
environment
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. At
this
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 place, the optimal
environment
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 is up to a person, some people love to be
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
pressure
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 working. But not all people are able to
work
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 in
this
Linking Words
 kind of
environment
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, sometimes,
this
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 type of
environment
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 causes stress in workers.
Conversely
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, every person can
work
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 in a pleasant
environment
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. Due to the fact that employers should treat every
employee
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 in the same way, the pleasant
atmosphere
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 is suitable for every type of
employee
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.
Secondly
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, if you’re worried about the
employees
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 that are not suitable in my preferred
work
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atmosphere
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, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
 the
atmosphere
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 would not decrease their efficiency. Because
this
Linking Words
 type of worker will create their own
pressure
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, in case you don’t push them enough.
Therefore
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,
there’s
Change the verb form
there are
show examples
 no worries about decreasing their working
performance
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.
In contrast
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 to a strict working
environment
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, it might decrease the
performance
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 of some
employees
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 who are not good at working under
pressure
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. To conclude, a pleasant working
atmosphere
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 could allow every working style
employee
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 to be able to
work
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 with acceptable
performance
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. But not in strict working conditions, some
employees
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 could not tolerate the
pressure
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 from their employer.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the pleasant
atmosphere
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 will give an efficiently working
performance
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 in every
employee
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,
instead
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 of the strict one.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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