Employment should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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There is not an iota of doubt to say that
the
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apply
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corporations should provide favourable working conditions
such
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as giving
a
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apply
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better
opportunity
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opportunities
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and at least thirty days
personal
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of personal
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vacation
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time. It is argued
that is
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an affordable development,
while
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others disagree and consider it will lead to adverse
ramification
Fix the agreement mistake
ramifications
show examples
results. I totally agree with
this
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statement
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, but some other
measure
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measures
show examples
must be taken to minimize the stress conditions
as well as
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build a better future for labourers. The following paragraphs will analyze the pros and cons of giving
vacation
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for
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to
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employees
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. First and foremost,
while
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many occupations have become under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress, many owners should contribute
a
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to a
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good workplace and better possibilities.
Moreover
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, the government should introduce a special arrangement annually for vacations for
employees
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.
For example
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, the majority of
people
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think that a certain of group
people
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are looking for a good opportunity in their job
such
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as adequate
holidays
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holiday
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time within a year.
However
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,
while
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some companies are offering manifold benefits to
people
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about
this
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, others believe that workers' efficiency decreases after
the
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apply
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vacation
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time.
Nevertheless
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, there are numerous merits to
this
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topic
along with
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certain demerits as "
very
Correct your spelling
every
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rose comes with thorns";
for instance
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, some employers are concerned
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
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mainly because personnel are passive after a long period of a break since they are not doing their regular tasks
such
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as customer service and commercial communication.
Further
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, some small
industry
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industries
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cannot afford
a
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apply
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low efficiency
Add a hyphen
low-efficiency
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working regardless of whether affected
global
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by global
show examples
issues and because of ,that they would rather not comply with
this
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request.
To sum up
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, having clarified the outlooks above,
although
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many
people
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are keen to support
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
granting workers'
vacation
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, another advocacy group of
people
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think that
this
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is a negative tendency that the decreasing
employees
Use synonyms
' prolificacy
on
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in
show examples
this
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situation. I recapitulate my opinion by saying
with
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that
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giving at least a 4-week holiday a year to occur
employees
Use synonyms
better at their jobs.
Submitted by Sem on

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task response
Your essay has a clear opinion, but your examples are not specific enough to fully support your points. Be more specific and provide detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The structure of the essay is unclear, and there are issues with the flow of ideas. Use linking words and transition phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
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