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Band 4

Employment should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#employment #staff #-week #holiday #year #employees #jobs
There is not an iota of doubt to say that
the
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apply
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corporations should provide favourable working conditions
such
 as giving
a
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apply
show examples
better
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 and at least thirty days
personal
Change preposition
of personal
show examples
vacation
 time. It is argued
that is
 an affordable development,
while
 others disagree and consider it will lead to adverse
ramification
Fix the agreement mistake
ramifications
show examples
 results. I totally agree with
this
 statement
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, but some other
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 must be taken to minimize the stress conditions
as well as
 build a better future for labourers. The following paragraphs will analyze the pros and cons of giving
vacation
for
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to
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employees
. First and foremost,
while
 many occupations have become under
the
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apply
show examples
stress, many owners should contribute
a
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to a
show examples
good workplace and better possibilities.
Moreover
, the government should introduce a special arrangement annually for vacations for
employees
.
For example
, the majority of
people
 think that a certain of group
people
 are looking for a good opportunity in their job
such
 as adequate
holidays
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holiday
show examples
 time within a year.
However
,
while
 some companies are offering manifold benefits to
people
 about
this
, others believe that workers' efficiency decreases after
the
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apply
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vacation
 time.
Nevertheless
, there are numerous merits to
this
 topic
along with
 certain demerits as "
very
Correct your spelling
every
show examples
 rose comes with thorns";
for instance
, some employers are concerned
that
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
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 mainly because personnel are passive after a long period of a break since they are not doing their regular tasks
such
 as customer service and commercial communication.
Further
, some small
industry
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industries
show examples
 cannot afford
a
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apply
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low efficiency
Add a hyphen
low-efficiency
show examples
 working regardless of whether affected
global
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by global
show examples
 issues and because of ,that they would rather not comply with
this
 request.
To sum up
, having clarified the outlooks above,
although
 many
people
 are keen to support
that
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apply
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granting workers'
vacation
, another advocacy group of
people
 think that
this
 is a negative tendency that the decreasing
employees
' prolificacy
on
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in
show examples
this
 situation. I recapitulate my opinion by saying
with
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that
show examples
 giving at least a 4-week holiday a year to occur
employees
 better at their jobs.
Submitted by Sem on

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task response
Your essay has a clear opinion, but your examples are not specific enough to fully support your points. Be more specific and provide detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The structure of the essay is unclear, and there are issues with the flow of ideas. Use linking words and transition phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
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