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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.
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The charts give more information about showing of men and women employees in 1975 and 1995 in some categories of the Republic of Freedonia.
Firstly
Linking Words
,to start with the first table.
This
Linking Words
 pointer is about the
1975 year
Add a hyphen
1975-year
show examples
 index. We can see that the maximum
showing
Change the form of the verb
show
show examples
 was introduced with almost 850 employees in men in the public
sector
Use synonyms
(non-defence).
In contrast
Linking Words
, the minimum statistic was appreciated with almost 30
workers
Use synonyms
 in the public
sector
Use synonyms
(defence) in women.Generally, the top index in women is equal to approximately 630.A small number of man
workers
Use synonyms
 is equal to almost 210 in the public
sector
Use synonyms
(defend)
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
second
Linking Words
 chart is about the figures
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1995 year .Most of all
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 estimated almost 850 male
workers
Use synonyms
 in the public
sector
Use synonyms
(non-defence),
in addition
Linking Words
,at least showing
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 approximately 101 woman
workers
Use synonyms
 in
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 defence. The statistic
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Manufacturing and communication level each other maybe 300 male and female
workers
Use synonyms
 respectively.
To sum up
Linking Words
,both 1975 and 1995 year high
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 belonged to the public
sector
Use synonyms
 (without defence ).On top of that at least
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 was illustrated in the public
sector
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
 the showing
waa
Correct your spelling
was
show examples
 better in 1995 than
1975
Change preposition
in 1975
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sector, workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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