Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is popularly believed that watching a lot of
TV
Change to a plural noun
tvs
show examples
and playing video
games
leads to a worrying trend of children's mental health.
This
has become a cause for concern
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since it affects
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
and
therefore
the future of humanity. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
statement and
this
essay will
ellaborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
the main
consequnces
Correct your spelling
consequences
of spending a lot of
time
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
TV or
games
. To start with, the youngers who spend almost all of the day playing video
games
or with
TV-shows
Correct your spelling
TV shows
show examples
are less social and
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
not many friends.
This
trend could be caused by a number of reasons,
such
as the lack of
time
for friends, isolation from family, and wasting all the
time
on
games
and television. These activities can result in a number of problems in future
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when
Correct your spelling
child
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
will need to socialize and make new meets for study or job.
In addition
, these activities take a long
time
and
chilren
Correct your spelling
children
pay no attention to books, self-education and study. Another important consequence is
agression
Correct your spelling
aggression
by children. It is a well-known fact, that video
games
Change the determiner
game
show examples
has led to anger and violence. What I mean by that, some of these ones include scenes of violence, murder and war what affects the mental health of youngers. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the effects of TV and
games
are too detrimental to overlook. The
governmnet
Correct your spelling
government
should stop
this
trend by control of content for children and
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
of good activities
sush
Correct your spelling
such
as
libreries
Correct your spelling
libraries
,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
sections and cultural events.
Submitted by alinazhumartova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: