IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In companies’ promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company, not to someone from outside or new hiring. Do you agree or disagree?

#companies’ #promotions #positions #employees #company #someone
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Working in a
company
 for several
years
 makes you a legitimate member of the enterprise. In my opinion, an employee working inside a
company
 should be
giving
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 promotions to higher positions than an outsider. I will give
further
 information in the following paragraph.
To begin
, an employee after working for
years
 for a particular
company
 masters the working system
as well as
 their mode of operation.
This
 worker will have an upper hand over a new hirer.
For example
, in the cooking industry, a chef
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
is
Verb problem
has been
show examples
 cooking for almost 10
years
 has more experience and knowledge about its cuisine . His style and recipes will bring a faster and productive result which is perfect to guide new chefs and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 them the opportunity to acquire new skills and improve with time.
On the other hand
 , old employees with their
years
 of expertise , master the vision and the mission of the
company
as well as
 their mechanism of production. Some big companies nowadays still keep the old process of manufacturing.
For instance
, companies that keep their old habit of producing wine have the best quality of wine on the market.
This
 gives them a title of expertise and gives a special value to their product.
However
, the new generation applies an easier plan that makes the production more industrial which kills the old technique and leads to a different result.
To conclude
, I agree with the fact that old employees should be given promotions compared to the new ones because they have more understanding and are more conscious of the conception of the
company
.
Submitted by Birguit Avagbo on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. Develop your ideas more thoroughly to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay more effectively by including a clear introduction that introduces the topic and a conclusion that summarizes your main points. Connect your ideas more cohesively to create a smoother flow of information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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