IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.

The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.
#line #graphs #show #production #demand #steel #million #tonnes #workers #industry #uk
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The charts give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about the employment status and the value changes in the
UK
Use synonyms
steel
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 industry during 1970-2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total
demand
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of
Change preposition
for
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steel
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
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 fell, leading to a significant decrease in the
labor
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labour
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 force over the period.
Besides
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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UK
Use synonyms
steel
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 production witnessed the same trend as the total
UK
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demand
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,
while
Linking Words
 the
steel
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 import had
an
Correct article usage
the
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 opposite. In 1970, the number of workers employed in the
steel
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 industry peaked at 50,000. Over the following years, the figure for employment in the
UK
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steel
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 industry declined significantly to around 17,000 in the year 2000. The year 1970
also
Linking Words
 witnessed the total
demand
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 for
steel
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 in the
UK
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around
Change preposition
at around
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 200,000 tonnes,
while
Linking Words
 the figures for production and imports were around 160,000 tonnes and 10,000 tonnes respectively.
The three
Correct article usage
Three
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 decades later, both the
demand
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 and the production of
steel
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 nearly halved,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
import
Wrong verb form
importing
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steel
Use synonyms
 increased substantially to approximately 70,000.
Submitted by thanhhai29102000 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, steel, demand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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