IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today’s technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Technologies
Use synonyms
 are brought to enhance the quality of
business’s
Change noun form
business
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 outcomes,
whereas
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 workers are likely to be decreasing needs eventually. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
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 statement, and the following examples will be provided to support my point of view.
To begin
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 with, the most important reason is to reduce incidents caused by human errors which might lead to wasting a huge amount of money to solve the situations.
Therefore
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,
humans
Use synonyms
 have invented new
technologies
Use synonyms
 to prevent mistakes that could happen.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University, it has been revealed that 80% of incidence rates are caused by human error like exhausted feelings from working overtime,
inaccurate
Correct word choice
and inaccurate
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 decisions during urgent situations. So, bringing innovations to run the process would help reduce the incidence rates caused by
humans
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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,
technologies
Use synonyms
such
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 as
Roberts
Correct your spelling
robots
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 or machines are likely to save cost,
thus
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 many big businesses would like to invest in new equipment even if they need to spend a lot of money at an initial stage.
Additionally
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,
this
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 is likely to be worthy of investment because in the long
term
Add a comma
term,
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 they will need to maintain with less money. Compared with hiring
humans
Use synonyms
, the most significant factor for applying for the jobs of employees is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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welfare
such
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 as annual leave, health insurance, privilege or even their family's welfare
covering
Replace the word
coverage
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.
Thus
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, many companies tend to reconstruct the infrastructure of the company by using machines
instead
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 of
humans
Use synonyms
 in order to save
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 and level up the quality of products. In conclusion, I agree with those who think
technologies
Use synonyms
 take responsibility to replace
humans
Use synonyms
 more and more at present;
however
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, I still believe eventually we need knowledge and experience from
humans
Use synonyms
 to control the big picture of the business.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion fully address the question prompt and provide a clear opinion. Improve the organization of ideas to enhance coherence and cohesion. Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and ensure that all ideas directly relate to the topic. Address both the extent of agreement and disagreement clearly in the introduction to fully respond to the task prompt.
lexical resource
Utilize a broader range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied expressions. Use terminology and collocations related to the topic more accurately to enhance lexical resource.
grammatical range
Demonstrate a wider range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, and ensure accurate use of verb tenses, articles, and prepositions. Edit sentence structures for clarity and coherence.
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