Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree?

Unfortunately
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,Unfortunately
show examples
the most high-level positions
belongs
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belong
show examples
to
men
, despite
women
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
more than 50% of jobholder in
companies
. I agree with that proposition,
Companies
should distribute an equal percentage of high-level jobs between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. Throughout
history
Add a comma
,history
show examples
women
’s capabilities and intelligence have been underestimated, while
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
women
’s abilities can assist
companies
a lot.
Women
are more patient and motivated compared to
men
, in most
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
they make decisions patiently and consider all aspects they avoid hasty resolutions. They can control stress professionally.
This
is really advantageous in stressful jobs with more responsibilities.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
women
play
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
role in managerial works very patient, Time management And of other colleagues are
priority
Add an article
a priority
the priority
show examples
. Another feature of
women
is that they can have high communication skills. We may think
women
are talkative, but
this
is wrong. Because they do not Say everything that comes to mind quickly
women
is speak
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speak
show examples
meaningfully, they want to think logically
In
Change preposition
About
show examples
different topics and analyse each subject in depth. But
men
act on words so
women
can be more successful in articulation. The remarkable point is
women
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
committed to business ethics.
Usually
Add a comma
,Usually
show examples
men
limit morality to the realm of business, but
women
go beyond
this
morality and always respect the efforts of others with the utmost fairness and justice.
Accordingly
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,Accordingly
show examples
that’s why
companies
should pay more attention to
women
’s capabilities than divide important jobs equally between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. in fact, every successful and reputable
companies
Change to a singular noun
company
show examples
needs both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
to be managed in the best way.
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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender disparity
  • glass ceiling
  • workforce representation
  • gender diversity
  • equal opportunity
  • professional advancement
  • social equality
  • gender equality
  • empowerment
  • barrier
  • discrimination
  • inequality
  • bias
  • reinforce
  • inclusive
  • combat
  • strive for
  • promote
  • nurture
  • enhance
  • progressive
  • implement
  • quota system
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