IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion.

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Most of the firms, organizations, and companies,
as well as
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 governments, impose restrictions
to
Change preposition
on smoking
show examples
smoke
Use synonyms
 in workplaces and public amenities. It has become fashionable in the
world
Use synonyms
 today to blame smoking.
However
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,
although
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 I feel that smoking can be harmful, I don’t think it should be forbidden completely. I would
also
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 argue that
people
Use synonyms
 should have the right whether or not they should
smoke
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. Allow me to present the three positive sides of smoking.
Firstly
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, smoking certainly helps many
people
Use synonyms
 to relax. For some, it even improves concentration. If someone is upset owing to debt or they have an exam,
like
Correct pronoun usage
they like
show examples
 to
smoke
Use synonyms
 to reduce the pressure or tension. Most
people
Use synonyms
 like to
smoke
Use synonyms
 when they are relaxing with friends.
Secondly
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, governments throughout the
world
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 make huge profits from taxes on cigarettes. The income obtained through taxes provides funds that are used for building schools, hospitals,s and public places
such
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 as parks, gardens, sports grounds, and footpaths.
Thirdly
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, the tobacco industry
also
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 employs tens of thousands of
people
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 all over the
world
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, particularly in poorer countries
such
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 as Zimbabwe or the Philippines. Without cigarettes, these
people
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 would have no jobs. Despite these positive effects, there are lots of negative effects to smoking too.
Initially
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, smoking has been proven to be very dangerous
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 health. As one cigarette contains more than 4000 chemical substances,
therefore
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, it causes many dangerous diseases
such
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 as heart attacks, asthma, bronchitis,
or
Correct word choice
and
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 lung cancer.
According to
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 a recent report in Britain close to 3,500
people
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 are killed each year in road accidents and 120,000 are killed by smoking.
Furthermore
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, smoking costs governments millions of dollars because of the large number of
people
Use synonyms
 who need treatment in hospitals for smoking-related problems.
Moreover
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, passive smoking is
also
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 a major concern today. Recent research shows that non-smokers can suffer from health problems if they spend long periods of time among
people
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 who
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
smoke
Use synonyms
. In the UK children whose parents
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
smoke
Use synonyms
 are three times as likely to start smoking themselves. In short, I think the
world
Use synonyms
 would be a better place without cigarettes.
However
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, the decision of whether
Use synonyms
smoke
Fix the infinitive
to smoke
show examples
 or not to
smoke
Use synonyms
 should be for each individual to make. I suggest that
people
Use synonyms
 should not
smoke
Use synonyms
 in a room or a place where there are nonsmokers,
however
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, they should be free to
smoke
Use synonyms
elsewhere
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.

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task achievement
While your essay contains clear and comprehensive ideas, some points could benefit from more nuanced analysis. For instance, when explaining the benefits of smoking, adding a counterargument or acknowledging the controversy around those points would enhance your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, but occasionally the transition between ideas could be smoother. Using transitional phrases more frequently could help maintain the flow.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the introduction and conclusion to make your stance clearer from the beginning and to tie all your points together in the end. This can solidify your argument for the reader.
task achievement
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant specific examples, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay showcases a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, demonstrating good organizational skills.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory diseases
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • workplace productivity
  • illness-related absences
  • environmental pollution
  • discarded cigarette butts
  • economic considerations
  • healthcare costs
  • de-normalize tobacco use
  • smoke-free culture
  • initiation of smoking
  • duty of care
  • public health policy
  • healthier employees
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