Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion.
Most of the firms, organizations, and companies,
as well as
governments, impose restrictions to
Change preposition
on smoking
smoke
in workplaces and public amenities. It has become fashionable in the world
today to blame smoking. However
, although
I feel that smoking can be harmful, I don’t think it should be forbidden completely. I would also
argue that people
should have the right whether or not they should smoke
.
Allow me to present the three positive sides of smoking. Firstly
, smoking certainly helps many people
to relax. For some, it even improves concentration. If someone is upset owing to debt or they have an exam, like
to Correct pronoun usage
they like
smoke
to reduce the pressure or tension. Most people
like to smoke
when they are relaxing with friends. Secondly
, governments throughout the world
make huge profits from taxes on cigarettes. The income obtained through taxes provides funds that are used for building schools, hospitals,s and public places such
as parks, gardens, sports grounds, and footpaths. Thirdly
, the tobacco industry also
employs tens of thousands of people
all over the world
, particularly in poorer countries such
as Zimbabwe or the Philippines. Without cigarettes, these people
would have no jobs.
Despite these positive effects, there are lots of negative effects to smoking too. Initially
, smoking has been proven to be very dangerous for
health. As one cigarette contains more than 4000 chemical substances, Change preposition
to
therefore
, it causes many dangerous diseases such
as heart attacks, asthma, bronchitis, or
lung cancer. Correct word choice
and
According to
a recent report in Britain close to 3,500 people
are killed each year in road accidents and 120,000 are killed by smoking. Furthermore
, smoking costs governments millions of dollars because of the large number of people
who need treatment in hospitals for smoking-related problems. Moreover
, passive smoking is also
a major concern today. Recent research shows that non-smokers can suffer from health problems if they spend long periods of time among people
who do
Unnecessary verb
apply
smoke
. In the UK children whose parents are
Unnecessary verb
apply
smoke
are three times as likely to start smoking themselves.
In short, I think the world
would be a better place without cigarettes. However
, the decision of whether smoke
or not to Fix the infinitive
to smoke
smoke
should be for each individual to make. I suggest that people
should not smoke
in a room or a place where there are nonsmokers, however
, they should be free to smoke
elsewhere
.Submitted by thula.perera on
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task achievement
While your essay contains clear and comprehensive ideas, some points could benefit from more nuanced analysis. For instance, when explaining the benefits of smoking, adding a counterargument or acknowledging the controversy around those points would enhance your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, but occasionally the transition between ideas could be smoother. Using transitional phrases more frequently could help maintain the flow.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the introduction and conclusion to make your stance clearer from the beginning and to tie all your points together in the end. This can solidify your argument for the reader.
task achievement
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant specific examples, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay showcases a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, demonstrating good organizational skills.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.