Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion.

Most of the firms, organizations, and companies,
as well as
governments, impose restrictions
to
Change preposition
on smoking
show examples
smoke
in workplaces and public amenities. It has become fashionable in the
world
today to blame smoking.
However
,
although
I feel that smoking can be harmful, I don’t think it should be forbidden completely. I would
also
argue that
people
should have the right whether or not they should
smoke
. Allow me to present the three positive sides of smoking.
Firstly
, smoking certainly helps many
people
to relax. For some, it even improves concentration. If someone is upset owing to debt or they have an exam,
like
Correct pronoun usage
they like
show examples
to
smoke
to reduce the pressure or tension. Most
people
like to
smoke
when they are relaxing with friends.
Secondly
, governments throughout the
world
make huge profits from taxes on cigarettes. The income obtained through taxes provides funds that are used for building schools, hospitals,s and public places
such
as parks, gardens, sports grounds, and footpaths.
Thirdly
, the tobacco industry
also
employs tens of thousands of
people
all over the
world
, particularly in poorer countries
such
as Zimbabwe or the Philippines. Without cigarettes, these
people
would have no jobs. Despite these positive effects, there are lots of negative effects to smoking too.
Initially
, smoking has been proven to be very dangerous
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
health. As one cigarette contains more than 4000 chemical substances,
therefore
, it causes many dangerous diseases
such
as heart attacks, asthma, bronchitis,
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
lung cancer.
According to
a recent report in Britain close to 3,500
people
are killed each year in road accidents and 120,000 are killed by smoking.
Furthermore
, smoking costs governments millions of dollars because of the large number of
people
who need treatment in hospitals for smoking-related problems.
Moreover
, passive smoking is
also
a major concern today. Recent research shows that non-smokers can suffer from health problems if they spend long periods of time among
people
who
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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smoke
. In the UK children whose parents
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
smoke
are three times as likely to start smoking themselves. In short, I think the
world
would be a better place without cigarettes.
However
, the decision of whether
smoke
Fix the infinitive
to smoke
show examples
or not to
smoke
should be for each individual to make. I suggest that
people
should not
smoke
in a room or a place where there are nonsmokers,
however
, they should be free to
smoke
elsewhere
.
Submitted by thula.perera on

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task achievement
While your essay contains clear and comprehensive ideas, some points could benefit from more nuanced analysis. For instance, when explaining the benefits of smoking, adding a counterargument or acknowledging the controversy around those points would enhance your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, but occasionally the transition between ideas could be smoother. Using transitional phrases more frequently could help maintain the flow.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the introduction and conclusion to make your stance clearer from the beginning and to tie all your points together in the end. This can solidify your argument for the reader.
task achievement
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant specific examples, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay showcases a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, demonstrating good organizational skills.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory diseases
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • workplace productivity
  • illness-related absences
  • environmental pollution
  • discarded cigarette butts
  • economic considerations
  • healthcare costs
  • de-normalize tobacco use
  • smoke-free culture
  • initiation of smoking
  • duty of care
  • public health policy
  • healthier employees
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