IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#position #women #societies #years #gender #equality
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People’s
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 changed gradually in the past few decades, especially for
women
. Nowadays, they can play a plethora of social roles
besides
 being wives and wives doing housework. But do
women
 face discrimination now? Unfortunately, they do. To my mind, there is no country where gender equality has been fully achieved. My point of view can be easily explained by any social survey. If you ask people “Can a
woman
 become a president?” or “Would you like to see a
woman
 as a leader” most of
answers
Add an article
the answers
show examples
 are negative. A lot of citizens still assert that
women
 are not enough smart, strong, powerful to be a leader. Another gender gap is noticeable if we count how much time
women
 spend on housework after their work at
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
. Society still thinks that only
woman
 is responsible for cooking, doing washing up, childcare, helping elderly relatives and so on. But does it fair? I can’t agree with it. One of the most terrible discrimination is work discrimination.
Employer
Fix the agreement mistake
Employers
show examples
 don’t want to hire a young
woman
, because probably she will have children soon. If you are a young mother –
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
show examples
 is sure you will miss your work hours to care about ill children. To sum up, in
XXI
Correct article usage
the XXI
show examples
 century
women
 have more opportunities than ever before.
This
 tendency is absolutely perfect. But at the same time, we can not ignore sexism in many spheres of life.
Submitted by polina.shelingovskaya.99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • historical context
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership roles
  • gender-based violence
  • educational opportunities
  • workforce
  • legal reforms
  • statistics
  • case studies
  • global perspective
  • progressive changes
  • cultural differences
  • empowerment
  • patriarchy
  • systemic discrimination
What to do next:
Look at other essays: