IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#position #women #societies #years #gender #equality
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Gender
equality
 is a right that both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 can enjoy the same position in policy, economy, and society. The past 50 years have seen changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
women
’s position in many societies.
However
,
gender
equality
 still has not been achieved completely. I
similarly
 believe
this
 and my reasons are twofold. In previous centuries,
women
 were not allowed to have their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in the patriarchal society until an awareness of feminism appeared came out.
However
, most
women
 still worry about quitting or losing their jobs when they are married and pregnant.  Undoubtedly, companies
also
 consider
this
 kind of uncertainty, so they will prefer to hire men than
women
, especially in a high position.
This
 is the reason why
women
 can work in a good company but they always have obstacles in front of their promotion.
Women
 can have their own
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and be commercial independent. In the mid-20th century, the movement of the
second
 wave feminism,
women
 argue that they should be allowed the same rights, power and opportunities as men. So far, there are many companies
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 provide almost the same career opportunities for
women
. Even though there is a complete system for maternity leave,
women
 absolutely take their child and family as the
first
 priority.
Furthermore
,
women
 are always responsible for housekeeping and play a vital role in raising children. If
gender
equality
 is achieved, husband and wife should share their housework and spend quality time with their children in a
fair way
Correct your spelling
fairway
show examples
. The truth is that even though
women
 are in a double-income family, wives always take more housework than husbands. Overall, without a doubt,
women
 can almost enjoy the same rights as men now.
However
, humans still need to work hard to implement complete
gender
equality
.
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • historical context
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership roles
  • gender-based violence
  • educational opportunities
  • workforce
  • legal reforms
  • statistics
  • case studies
  • global perspective
  • progressive changes
  • cultural differences
  • empowerment
  • patriarchy
  • systemic discrimination
What to do next:
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