IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people get into debt buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people having this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A rising tide of consumerism has swept much of the world in the past century, and as it is easy to get a loan or a credit card,
people
Use synonyms
 are finding themselves quickly sliding into
debt
Use synonyms
. There are many reasons for
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and some potential solutions to it. The main reason for the current abundance of
debt
Use synonyms
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 are living in a very materialistic world, where they are constantly exposed to advertising and even gloating on social media. They feel that they need to buy things because other
people
Use synonyms
 have them or because society demands
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. From iPhones to fancy cars, there is huge social pressure for
people
Use synonyms
 to buy expensive goods. Even when they cannot afford it, banks advertise credit cards everywhere and companies offer payday loans with high interest rates. It is very easy for
people
Use synonyms
 to borrow
this
Linking Words
 money, and they soon find that their
debt
Use synonyms
 piles up. There is no easy solution to the
debt
Use synonyms
problem
Use synonyms
, but some important steps need to be taken in order to reduce the severity of the situation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as always, education is important. High school students should be educated in school about financial matters and encouraged not to take out credit cards or loans unless necessary. Governments should
also
Linking Words
 set rules about interest rates and loan advertisements in order to make payments more reasonable. There should
also
Linking Words
 be limits on how easily they can give loans to
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that
people
Use synonyms
 cannot borrow more than they could ever pay back. In conclusion,
debt
Use synonyms
 is a huge
problem
Use synonyms
 in society partly because it is so easy to get into
debt
Use synonyms
. Schools and governments can take some steps to help solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: